Repeating daily routines, preparing for the new year ahead, and thinking of those I'd once walked so closely with. Wondering about their well being, praying for them. I miss them but they must learn to be independent without me holding their hands.
I'm already exploring different future options for myself, even slowly venturing into a totally new area for the fun of it... Yet there is a void and emptiness inside, almost a pain that doesn't quite go away...
Yes, my season in my present self-chosen place of market-place ministry has come to an end. This is not the end of me serving God, but a siesta, a much needed break, like a tree preparing for change by first going into a period of rest, the best part is "undisturbed by the harshness of winter".
I've a certain winter melancholy attached to entering this season of rest, having to let go of my charges halfway. It seems halfway to me because they are still so immature in Christ, and yet I've to let go because I've finally come to realize that my time in their lives is almost up.
Looking back, I know that I've done my best, but with hindsight, wouldn't do some of the things I'd done. Yet, there is no such a thing as time travel, no benefit of hindsight, which means even if God has allowed me to return to the past to start all over again, I being me, would have made exactly the same mistakes because I wouldn't recognize them as such. But the greatest comfort I have here is that my God is so powerful and creative that He can and will make ALL things work together for good! In this, I rest my soul.
Through it all, I've learnt that it is necessary for ALL believers to come out of their comfort zones to serve God. We have to go into the battlefield. Christ has loved us to death, and we have to love Him enough to leave our comfort zones. We've read the Bible, God's Word talks of taking up the cross, denying yourself, being a living sacrifice and so on. I've to admit that such 'talks' are a turn-off, especially to new believers. We gravitate towards the love, joy and peace parts. But at some points in our lives, believers will come to a place where you'll crave for a higher purpose, a sense of significance, about making your life counts, for God and for His kingdom.
For me, it wasn't about the crowns, jewels or mansions that attract me, but the gratitude to God when one day He suddenly spoke, "I've allowed you to do what you want with yourself all along, now how about doing something for Me for the rest of your life?" That's true, I've had my fair share of dreams-chasing, money-chasing etc. the offer from God was attractive, to do something of significance, something that'll last eternally... thus my entry into market-place ministry, with the focus NOT on earning an income, BUT on introducing lost souls to Christ.
Something became obvious right from the beginning of my ministry, that it is going to COST! It'll cost my time, effort, money, labour and the sacrifices extend to being misunderstood and persecutions sometimes from the very ones you've learnt to love and serve. It was a bitter-sweet experience, watching people you've laboured over turn to Christ, and being disappointed with them over their growth. Then I learnt that I was impatient, again MTJ said, "Jesus reminds us in the parable of the tares that there is no need to pull them up before the harvesting occurs. That is our tendency; removing what we believe is unnecessary" which was MY PROBLEM, being too impatient with their spiritual growth, adding unnecessary pressures on them, and causing conflicts.
My conclusion from this episode is this, that though spiritual warfares abound, the show must go on, the ministry must continue. For my ministry with these two young persons, I've prayed to God that, "Jeremiah's time is up Lord, please send Elisha". For me, maybe He won't fetch me home in a fiery chariot yet (I'm so tired and burnt-out that I really don't mind though), but I shall rest, wait and watch, the labourers are few, and God will soon enlist me into service again.
Let me end yet with another advice from MTJ, "John the Baptist said of Jesus, "He must increase, I must decrease." We must learn to trust God with others, He will do what we cannot and should not".
Being human, which God allows :) :) , I am grieving over leaving my charges because they have become so dear to me... and to leave them now, the pain is almost unbearable... The pain is borne out of the knowledge that they are not my own children whom I'll always have, and can always watch over. They are instead, people whose destiny I'll have no control, and if they should be tossed to and fro in their own worlds of choice and circumstances after they return home (they are foreigners), they would be beyond me to help and guide..................... I know this is where faith plays its part, that I can do nothing but entrusts them to their faithful Creator.
This was sent to me via email, written by someone by the name of Joe Stowell:
Twice Abraham succumbed to the fear that the rulers of other nations would kill him and steal his wife. So he deceived the kings and said that she was his sister, in essence welcoming them to take her into their harems. By letting fear dictate his actions, he put at great risk God’s promise and plan that through Abraham and Sarah a great nation would be born from whom Jesus the redeemer would ultimately come (Genesis 12:1-3; 15:4-5).
Not Abraham’s proudest moments—but thankfully, God intervened. In Genesis 20 we learn that “God came to Abimelech in a dream one night and said to him, ‘You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman’” (v.3). Suddenly the tables of fear were turned, as Abimelech and all his officials “were very much afraid” (v.8)! When they confronted Abraham, he replied, “I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife’” (v.11). He had let fear get the best of him.
But before you come down too hard on Abraham, it might be good to ask: For fear of losing your job, would you put your integrity at risk? For fear of appearing old-fashioned, would you put righteousness at risk? For fear of being ridiculed or misunderstood, would you neglect sharing the gospel and put someone’s eternity at risk?
If you’ve ever felt the intimidation of fear, then be assured that only one thing will conquer your fears: tenacious faith in God—in His presence, His protection, His power, His promises. Remember, God is bigger than your biggest fear!
And here’s the good news: Abraham is actually known for his legacy as a man of faith. In fact, the “Hall of Faith” chapter gives Abraham a lot of good press (Hebrews 11:8-19)! Thankfully he wasn’t marked forever by his flaw.
Maybe it’s not fear in your life but another “fatal flaw” that consistently puts God’s will and plans for you at risk. But remember, your flaw doesn’t have to be fatal! Have faith in the fact that He will never ask you to do anything that He can’t bring to completion, even if it requires miraculous intervention on His part. Live in such a way that you can be counted among those who “were still living by faith when they died” (Hebrews 11:13)—even if things aren’t going the way you thought they would. And when your faith trumps your fear, He’ll turn your sweaty palms into raised hands of worship and praise!
I'm troubled with many things nowadays, and I sense that I'm fearing something, fearing that my flaws will damage the faith of those I've brought to Christ. As a result, I'm feeling so constrained as to what I can do. I'm quite burnt-out actually and would really like a sabbatical leave so to speak. My ministry is not an official one conferred by my Church. It's just my personal market-place ministry. But because of events that keep over-taking me and the people I'm ministering to, we're all quite burnt-out. Many a time I would really like to step out, and step away for a while, but it's this nagging worry of "What if I leave (my sales job) and they turn away from Christ?"
I need the calming presence of God. I need faith in HIm. God is bigger than my worries, fears and anxieties, and He shall sustain us, and bring His plans into completion.
By Oswald Chambers
He said to them, ’This kind [of unclean spirit] can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting’ Mark 9:29
His disciples asked Him privately, 'Why could we not cast it out?’ ” (Mark 9:28). The answer lies in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. “This kind can come out by nothing but” concentrating on Him, and then doubling and redoubling that concentration on Him.
When you are brought face to face with a difficult situation and nothing happens externally, you can still know that freedom and release will be given because of your continued concentration on Jesus Christ. Your duty in service and ministry is to see that there is nothing between Jesus and yourself. Is there anything between you and Jesus even now? If there is, you must get through it, not by ignoring it as an irritation, or by going up and over it, but by facing it and getting through it into the presence of Jesus Christ. Then that very problem itself, and all that you have been through in connection with it, will glorify Jesus Christ in a way that you will never know until you see Him face to face.
Dr. Chauncey Crandall's Rx: Medicine and Jesus - CBN TV - Video
My point is, it's so tiring even to love just ONE!
Dragging my tired body to bed on Saturday night, I prayed, "Lord it has to end soon for I badly needed a break." Sleep came past 1 a.m. and and a nightmare ensued in the early morning. Waking up with fatigue I sent a message to my team that I would not go down to the field after church service on Sunday. But, I changed my mind after a cup of coffee. Caffeine works wonder!?
No, I just couldn't let go. I needed to see how my charges (people whom Christ has placed in my care) are doing. Somehow on the way to church, I was inspired to pray, "Lord, I will do what You want me to do, to my last breath, till my last step (even when I'm flat out on my back)." Running through my mind was a image of a guy guarding the Cross of Christ in this wonderful flash video "Duty" from donghaeng.net
One of my charges who attends church with me brought along her friend! Her simple act encouraged me. Then during worship, the songs ministered to me. The lyrics resonated with all the thoughts God has placed in my heart this past one year. "Press on, continue the good works for Christ no matter how hard the journey". "You're a vessel, made and chosen to serve." "Place your life on the altar (again)" During communion time, the short admonition given was, "The things we do right and wrong in our lives are like many pluses and crosses, but no matter how many crosses we've accumulated, there is now therefore no comdemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus". These are the affirmations I needed to hear; God's stamp of approval, mandate to continue, comfort, counsel and hope. I took in everything and knew in my heart that it's a right decision to go down to the field, again...
What confronted me in the field was the same human relationship problems.
However, I went door knocking with my first charge for a few hours, and dated another for dinner for another 2 hours. In the midst of work, I listened to my first charge as she poured out her worries and concerns about her future and offered my point of view. She felt better after that, I hope.
During dinner with my second charge, I listened wide-eyed to his horrific and frightful accounts of abuse he'd endured as a child. As he exposed his emotional scars at the dining table in a busy market place where human traffic swirled around, I detected a slight tremor in his body and when I touched his hand, it was cold, clammy and damp. I listened intently as he related incident after incident of child-abuse and shuddered. As he talked and I listened, our eyes were hardly dry. Towards the end, I reached out to hold his hand, then we clasped our hands and prayed. I prayed that God would heal his memories, his wounds and that he would know God and His peace and joy, and that God who loves, knows and preserves him would bless his future and not let anything he has endured gone to waste and would make everything work together for good. After this, he walked with me to my train station and we parted. He left only after when I was totally out of his sight.
My heart aches for this young man, how could any parent do such things to their child?!
I reached home near midnight with joy and thanksgiving! I was thankful that I'd gone down, and once again, be used as a vessel, a channel of blessing to those He loves. They are beset with bad memories of past hurt and fear for their future. I couldn't do much, but only listen to them, be their sounding board, comforting and affirming them, then, I remind them of God's sovereignity, sometimes bringing them to God's presence, and let the Lord minister to them Himself. Only God can meet their needs.
I'm contented to be Andrew, who brought Peter to Christ. Praise God! And may the Lord God keep them and preserve them to the end, and let no one snatch them out of His loving hand!
I'm confused about what had happened and how much I'd contributed to the mess, and whether I was misled etc.. I really wish I can put an end to all these now. I really wish to just turn over whatever unfinished work to Christ and leave for a while. Anyway, I don't see myself helping out much nowadays, I've cracked my mind thinking of all sort of means and ways to help my charges in their work, but they are not progressing now, being beset by personal problems beyond them. I've counselled them to no avail. I feel so useless. Even bringing them to Church now seems riddled with new problems.
Everyone in my team is disheartened with poor business and broken relationships. I'm sick of it.
But my spouse interrupted my thoughts with this, "God's ways are higher than yours..." Yes, while I feel overwhelmed, I would like to affirm that God is sovereign and know my thoughts and ways. He has used me, a cracked pot in this ministry and knew the mistakes I would make, and still, He has chosen me to do it. I shall continue to believe that God is in control, that doors which He has opened, no man shall close. God will have His way, and God will take care of those He loves, and those He loves through me.
This morning, I've spent some time reading other Christian blogs and these brothers and sisters in Christ have certainly blessed me one way or another, but I'm too tired to link their blogs here to acknowledge what a blessing they've been to me, may be another time.
Things they have said that encouraged me; that we must continue to share Christ, that we should not be afraid of evil forces... my mind is so muddled now that I can't recall all, but the essence is, fight the good fight...
As children of God, you and I are not alone. We have God on our side and we have a whole horde of brothers and sisters all over the world living their lives out for God. This is an encouraging thought.
In my own ministry, where just a few weeks' back I thought I knew exactly what God had wanted me to do, NOW, I'm lost again! I'm lost because I've discovered that many things that had happened in the past weren't what I'd thought them to be! I'm referring to the facades that men put up, truths half told (which didn't form the whole picture) and I felt I've been misled by the very people I've helped. I've analysed the situations over and over, and I own up to the fact that it takes two hands and sometimes more than two hands to clap. I've done wrong in a number of situations based on my failure to comprehend the entire situation.
I've lost trust in some people. I still love them. I was weary and now I'm also wary. I need wisdom. My desire is to continue to do God's will, so please pray for me for the courage to continue and discernment to know what to do next. Thank you.
"Worship is the submission of all our nature to God. It is the quickening of conscience by his holiness; the nourishment of mind with his truth; the purifying of imagination by his beauty; the opening of the heart to his love; the surrender of will to his purpose - and all of this gathered up in adoration."
William Temple, Archbishop of Canterbury (1942-44)
"When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but this is what they heard:
"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, "Woe to those who call evil good", but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare..
We have killed our unborn and called it choice.
We have shot anti-abortionists and called it justifiable.
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem.
We have abused power and called it politics.
We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.
We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.
Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!"
The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest.
In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls responding negatively.
The church is now receiving international requests for copies of this prayer from India , Africa and Korea .
Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, "The Rest of the Story," and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired.
With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and whole-heartedly become our desire so that we again can be called: "one nation under God."
And here's a snippet from his post:
I could probably go on, arguing for ages about how worship is always an inside-out process, not outside in. But instead of doing that, let me leave an open challenge. If anyone of you still think that the outside-in approach is still correct, logical as it may sound, convince me with the word of God. Show me where in the bible such an approach can be supported. Please don't repeat some Christian-sounding argument (the type with absolutely no scriptural basis) or present a who-said-what.
Anybody want to come back on what I've just said? Pick up the gauntlet. I humbly wait to be corrected. I have thought long and hard, and I have yet to find a strong-enough biblical argument in what I am challenging.
These words came from a young lady whom I'm mentoring at work and encouraging in the Lord. She has told me this before, and has again reminded me today after a rough patch we've been through recently.
I'm a little amused and bewildered. Oh yes, it's a challenge loving and taking care of her, yet I'm sure that the Lord has entrusted this task to me.
I don't exactly know her expectations, 'cos I'm actually mentoring another young man at this point in time... She seems to miss me terribly, and yet asks me not to love her so much??? So, what should I do, I'm asking God and myself???
when their hands tremble as they comb their hair,
please don't hurry them,
The Son of God can't save us if He prefers His pearly throne and crystal sea. He has to abandon His glory to walk amongst us and be as one of us, weak and vulnerable. But He's not afraid to get involved with our messy lives. He works for our good and His motives were pure.
I've heeded God's promptings to do the good works He has prepared for me to do, nothing great and noteworthy, but just some work He thinks I should be able to handle, and I am trying to do them. While my spirit is indeed willing, my flesh is getting weaker by the day as I see my work being sabotaged from the left and the right again and again... But it's not my work actually, it's God's work for I'm just a vessel, a willing vessel (a cracked pot).
You can't work for God without loving people. You can't love people without getting involved. And you can't avoid getting hurt and disappointed when you get involved. You'll need a great deal of faith and hope to believe that the troubles you face are indeed transient.
Lives don't get changed over night. Characters take a life time of transformation even when it's by the power of the Holy Spirit. I'm a little overwhelmed by the load, and am in need of wisdom and discernment going forward, but I've not given up...
Analisa, my good blogger friend and sis-in-Christ has advised me not to be weary in well-doing, for I'll reap in due season if I do not loose heart...
It shows a dejected little lamb sitting helplessly by the lake, looking despondent and staring aimlessly into the water. In its misery, it has failed to notice that its reflection has that of Jesus sitting by its side! Lo and behold, the invisible Good Shepherd has in fact an arm around the little lamb, quietly supporting and comforting it!
That card speaks volume! And it is still speaking to me today.
A little bird was frozen stiff in mid flight during one harsh winter and dropped to the ground. While it laid there helplessly, a cow came by and shit on it. The heat from the dung actually thawed the bird and it was so happy that it began to chirp! Just then, a hungry cat passed by, and despite the filth, picked the bird out from the shit and ate it!
The three morals of this story are:
1. Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. And when you're in deep shit, keep quiet!
Have a nice day! :)
Moving forward, my greatest challenge is to learn to work quietly and humbly at my place of work, for God. This isn't easy at all, what, to be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, trust God etc... but I really want to live as one who has been in fellowship with Christ ...
In navigating life's journey, try to stay calm in the boat with Jesus. :)
He says, "It is not mandatory, but we always appreciate it when our interviewees mention their interview with us on their blog or post a badge in their sidebar. This not only promotes your blog, but also shows that we interviewed you. Starting April 1st we'll be giving up to $1,000 in prizes to the top 18 rated bloggers for the month of April. To vote you and your readers must come to the blog interview and click on the "Thumbs up" button. The top rated blogs are also showcased on the sidebar of the site for everyone to see."
Those of you who would like to be interviewed yourself can write to Mike at email@example.com . :)
"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowlege Jesus with their lips then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyles. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."
And I, sometimes, stand condemned, if not for His saving grace!
What is your Jesus like? Does He count His cost? Does He count His loss? Does He grumble? May the Lord help us stay true to Him. Be reminded of the Jesus Whom you're following, what He is like, and what you should really desire to be...
Well, there are times when I got confused. Recently I've done something drastic in a moment of fury to help a friend. I thought it was a good deed and though it seemed to have better the life of the one I'd helped, my action had disrupted and derailed the lives of others.
This burden gnawed at my conscience for many a days until a preacher shared on Mark 2:1-12. It was the story of 4 men who carried their friend, a paraplegic to Jesus for healing. When they reached Peter's house where Jesus was in, they couldn't get in because of the crowd.
So what did the 4 men do? Return home and come again another day? Wait for their turn? They couldn't wait, they refused to wait and they made a drastic decision. They climbed up to the roof of the house and hacked it opened till they could lower their friend to Jesus' feet. They didn't care what others thought of them, ignored the shouts and fury of others to stop hacking, and perhaps risked being hauled to court later on for damaging Peter's property. Because of their determination and love, their friend was ultimately healed by Jesus.
There and then at that moment when this story was re-told at the pulpit, my eyes moistened. I was touched. The preacher was teaching another sermon with that story but God ministered to me in another way.
Imagine, would you approve of such anti-social behaviours? The vandalism of property? The audacity to interrupt a conference where Jesus was the guest-of-honour? And not waiting in line for one's turn? Would you? But Jesus did not reprimand the 4 men. He overlooked their rashness and had his eyes fixed on the man in need ...
I cried because I felt like one of the men. I'm so thankful to God for looking beyond my mistakes and blessing my friend...
Is the spare tyre important? It is! Though it is not in used, it has to be there. No car goes around without a spare tyre in its boot! It's unthinkable, it's dangerous. Though it is a spare tyre, and is not the one running, having it in its place gives the driver a great deal of confidence. If a tyre gets punctured, there's a spare one in the boot! A spare tyre gives a lot of psychological comfort and support, and no car owner can go without it.
So, I'm a spare tyre, I'm always here for you, you can't see me, you don't sense me, you're not even aware of my existence sometimes, but I'm here for you, and when you have a flat tyre, you'll remember me, and I will serve you faithfully. :)
I would go for the former. After the release from her former sales team, I saw how my young colleague gave her best to her work. While she had not been able to really sell on her own in the past, she started making sales even for products which are challenging to sell, and she did it without any sample copy to show her customers, she just rattled off and sold! I don't think anyone in my company has done this.
But an unfortunate incident happened after her success. In the very first training given by her new manager, and after watching her mock presentation for that particular product, how she sold without showing any sample, her new manager said, "You've no product knowledge and your customers bought because they are easy customers who agree to everything you've said, you won't be able to sell if you continue like this, I want you to learn ...."
My heart sank a few inches lower than where it should be when I heard this comment. God knows how much time and labour I've put into this young lady to build up her confidence, and her new manager just shot it down within seconds!
My new colleague hasn't been selling lately because it's the Chinese New Year season and very few families would entertain salesmen. But if there's any traces of doubt in my younger colleague's mind after that training session, I plead with God, "Oh please God, D'ONT let history repeats itself, please help her to continue in the success you've given her!"
Her recent success was due largely to a sense of liberation and inspiration after getting out of her former stifling team. I disagreed vehemently to what her new manager said of her. She may need to improve herself in product knowledge, but certainly, without a shadow of doubt, she HAS the aptitude to sell and she WILL succeed!
May the Lord preserve her faith and confidence! No careless words spoken against her shall prevail against the work that the Lord has begun in her!
Well indeed, we've left in a huff. I question myself frequently over these few days. Would I have done it better if I have been more patient or if I have a cooler head on my shoulder? But even if time would roll back, I know I would have done the same thing in the exact same way over and over again! I have had enough!
Although I didn't handle the situation in a better way, I believe God has got one of His purposes achieved through my hastiness, that is, my younger colleague is finally blossoming! Her welfare was the ONLY thing on my mind when we left, nothing else matters, and nothing else still matters now... Success is more important for her than what I appear in the eyes of those left behind.
I have a doubt. What about my testimony to those left behind? Am I not a bad testimony to them? I believe God cares for them too. Along with this troubling thought is the temptation that I should not serve God since I've almost always made the same mistakes in my service; hastiness. But God can't use dead people to serve Him, can He? And those alive make mistakes. So who else?
I WILL continue to serve my God, and I will strive to be a little wiser each time. Thank God for His mercy. I AM an old cracked pot, but still in the Master's service. I will not let mistakes discourage me. :)
Life in the former group was restrictive and almost oppressive. Standards were low and unless you're industrious, resourceful and independent, you won't grow as a professional. The last straw came when someone tried to bull-doze his ways through, disregarding the feelings of others. When an act of bullying was committed before my very eyes, minor as it was, but one that was significant enough to catch my attention, and to ponder its meaning and repurcussion, I made an impulsive decision to LEAVE and persuaded 2 to follow. We left.
Now, we're all having a breather, doing things with more focus, deliberation and better than ever. At first I was afraid I'd made a wrong choice that might negatively affect my colleagues, but God is merciful. He has made all things worked together for good. My younger colleague, the one who was not accorded respect nor properly trained in the former group, is now soaring. She's given a new hope and future. I thank God for her excellent performance this month, praise God.
Looking back, I didn't exit with proper grace, we left in a hurry, with little explanation, we just packed up and left without turning our heads, enough was enough, I couldn't afford to let my young colleague take another blow, couldn't afford to let her faith and confidence shaken AGAIN. We must go before it was too late, so off we went!
I have had my misgivings that I could have left with more grace and a proper explanation, but even if I had to do it all over again, given my temperament, I would have done the same thing.
I accept responsibility for my rash act, but the past is the past, all I'm concern with now is to contribute to the present group, and fulfill God's commission to me, i.e. to take care of the foreigners in my sphere of influence.
The good things, I've got a brand new god-daughter and have been able to sell rather successfully lately. The bad things, someone with questionable character is recruited into my company and work relationships have been touchy. New things ... I've initiated a move for 2 of my colleagues and I (so the 3 of us) into a new team, and there'll be new arrangements ...
Because of all the happenings, I've been having restless sleep and quick devotional time, sometimes even missing it! I know I need to quiet myself before the Lord. I don't quite know what's troubling me but there seem to be hang-ups somewhere and I can't quite put a finger to the worrying factors.
I need a break.
And hey, a piece of good news to those who are concerned, the person I was witnessing to, she accepted Christ on 24 Dec 09 and I'd caught her joy on video! Praise God! Finally, I've 'achieved' something of lasting, eternal value, not that I could save her but that I was let into this privilege of reaching out to her for Christ. Praise God!
I love her.
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