Our God is real and alive, but sometimes lost in outer space... Though you know that He cares, to the extent of knowing the number of hair on your head, being concern with the minutest details of your lives, yet when you are in a pit for too long, you'll begin to doubt Him... like in my case, when I begin to doubt whether He has indeed placed me in the ministry where He has placed me...
Dragging my tired body to bed on Saturday night, I prayed, "Lord it has to end soon for I badly needed a break." Sleep came past 1 a.m. and and a nightmare ensued in the early morning. Waking up with fatigue I sent a message to my team that I would not go down to the field after church service on Sunday. But, I changed my mind after a cup of coffee. Caffeine works wonder!?
No, I just couldn't let go. I needed to see how my charges (people whom Christ has placed in my care) are doing. Somehow on the way to church, I was inspired to pray, "Lord, I will do what You want me to do, to my last breath, till my last step (even when I'm flat out on my back)." Running through my mind was a image of a guy guarding the Cross of Christ in this wonderful flash video "Duty" from donghaeng.net
One of my charges who attends church with me brought along her friend! Her simple act encouraged me. Then during worship, the songs ministered to me. The lyrics resonated with all the thoughts God has placed in my heart this past one year. "Press on, continue the good works for Christ no matter how hard the journey". "You're a vessel, made and chosen to serve." "Place your life on the altar (again)" During communion time, the short admonition given was, "The things we do right and wrong in our lives are like many pluses and crosses, but no matter how many crosses we've accumulated, there is now therefore no comdemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus". These are the affirmations I needed to hear; God's stamp of approval, mandate to continue, comfort, counsel and hope. I took in everything and knew in my heart that it's a right decision to go down to the field, again...
What confronted me in the field was the same human relationship problems.
However, I went door knocking with my first charge for a few hours, and dated another for dinner for another 2 hours. In the midst of work, I listened to my first charge as she poured out her worries and concerns about her future and offered my point of view. She felt better after that, I hope.
During dinner with my second charge, I listened wide-eyed to his horrific and frightful accounts of abuse he'd endured as a child. As he exposed his emotional scars at the dining table in a busy market place where human traffic swirled around, I detected a slight tremor in his body and when I touched his hand, it was cold, clammy and damp. I listened intently as he related incident after incident of child-abuse and shuddered. As he talked and I listened, our eyes were hardly dry. Towards the end, I reached out to hold his hand, then we clasped our hands and prayed. I prayed that God would heal his memories, his wounds and that he would know God and His peace and joy, and that God who loves, knows and preserves him would bless his future and not let anything he has endured gone to waste and would make everything work together for good. After this, he walked with me to my train station and we parted. He left only after when I was totally out of his sight.
My heart aches for this young man, how could any parent do such things to their child?!
I reached home near midnight with joy and thanksgiving! I was thankful that I'd gone down, and once again, be used as a vessel, a channel of blessing to those He loves. They are beset with bad memories of past hurt and fear for their future. I couldn't do much, but only listen to them, be their sounding board, comforting and affirming them, then, I remind them of God's sovereignity, sometimes bringing them to God's presence, and let the Lord minister to them Himself. Only God can meet their needs.
I'm contented to be Andrew, who brought Peter to Christ. Praise God! And may the Lord God keep them and preserve them to the end, and let no one snatch them out of His loving hand!