It's Not That I've Forgotten

It's not that I've forgotten my promise to take care of you. It's just that we are not possible cos we are so different.

In that year I'd tried loving you in Jesus' name, but when I realized how much hurt it had caused us, I'm sorry that I've just got to let you go and I did.

I'd let you go so many months back, keeping my distance from you, but you stuck on. You sensed something amiss and knew what was happening, yet you tenaciously clinged on, hoping I would change my mind. I couldn't. How I dreaded to see you, hear you, that even an sms from you would sent me into sleepless nights. I gave you time to adjust and to accept this fact, that the damage in our relationship is irreversible and I just couldn't bring myself near you again.

I'm sorry, I really have not forgotten my promise to take care of you, but I just can't do it anymore. Perhaps one day Jesus will heal the wounds in you and I, but for now, I just wish you the best in your future as you return to your homeland.

As I continue my daily chores, there is a faint lingering ache somewhere inside which I want to ignore. I know things will be better with time, for you and for me. I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise, but it wouldn't do us any good even if I'd force myself to continue with you, there'll be more hurts and pains. But I remain your friend, and your sister-in-Christ, and I truly wish that you will live happily, grow and mature in the Lord. May the Lord bless you my young friend, do not give up on your faith in Christ, I've failed you, but God did not.

What Is True Forgiveness?

What is true forgiveness? This is the tiltle of a booklet from The Discovery Series: "Forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood subjects in the Bible. In this excerpt of his book Forgiveness, author Gary Inrig shares insights from Scripture to help those who are wrestling with the inability or unwillingness to forgive or to admit the need to be forgiven. Discover how you can develop a heart of true forgiveness when you rely on God’s power rather than your emotions in dealing with situations of offense".

You can read its PDF format here.

I was reading this book 3 days' back and learnt a new thing or two about forgiveness. Among the interesting lessons taught are these:

• Just because you're hurt doesn't mean that the other party needs to repent because repentance deals with sins and the other party may not have sinned against you. You can be hurt for various reasons, you could be jealous or annoyed etc. but what the other person has done does not tantamount to a sin. In this case, you'll just have to deal with it yourself, not so much as forgiving the other party but forbearing the other party.
• Jesus was quoted in Luke 17, "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him." So after ascertaining that indeed the other party has sinned against you, the first biblical thing to do is to 'rebuke' him, meaning confront him with his offense, and if he repents, then forgive him.
• When I read the 'IF he repents', you know, the IF, I was like, yay, so there's a loop-hole, you mean I can choose not to forgive? No, that wasn't what the book teaches, it emphasized that God would want us to forgive no matter what. It also cautions about the type of attitude we should adopt when we 'confront' the other party about his offence. I'm glad it also recognises the fact that usually people won't admit their mistakes and draws references from the Old Testament Proverbs about the consequences of rebuking a wise man and a fool.
• A very interesting thought here is that God's Word says that if someone sins against you seven times and comes back to you to repent, you're supposed to forgive him again and again. The interesting part is about the possiblility for someone to sin against you and repenting again and again, I mean really recognising his mistake again and again and yet sinning again and again. The author points out that God knows our nature and deal with us in the same way too, forgiving us again and again...

Anyway, I've a better understanding on this topic now and wish to share my blessing with you, come on read it up! Click on the link above! :)

Pondering...

Someone said that all intricate details of our lives have been carefully planned by God. If that is so, then where is our personal accountability in our lives? If I sin, is that planned by God? Someone said that the experiences of our lives are like colours on a canvas carefully painted by our Creator. If that is so, then can we shirk off our mistakes as being ok with God? I don't think so. I suppose what these people are saying is, God knows everything and can make things right no matter how badly we've messed them up...

I'm seriously contemplating terminating a mother-daughter kinda relationship with a young person whom I'd cared for in past one year. Perhaps due to our cultural differences, many of her behaviours weren't acceptable to me and when she crossed the line yet again this February, my threshold burst. Since then, I was avoiding her like mad. She seemed to sense my distance and tried to connect with me once again. But something had already snapped in me and I knew we would never be the same again.

I've actually prepared a parting statement to her, recorded in my handphone, ready to be messaged to her at an appropriate time. I've prayed to the Lord to show me just when is the right time to drop the bombshell to her. My mind goes back and forth, pondering, is it really the right thing to do?

I was just checking my blog and following some sites when I chanced upon someone's post on how God will painstakingly add 'colours' to the canvas of our lives, planning the details and designing a beautiful picture etc. What about the serious mistakes that we make? I have no answer... I don't want to hurt her, I still care, but because something has snapped in me, I just want to end it all, to give us both a clean slate to start over, that she goes her way and I go mine. But I don't want to hurt her, and as such, nothing has ever come out of my mouth, and she doesn't know the change in my heart though she senses the change in my attitude.

I've turned her over to the Lord and said that I can't take care of her anymore because I just can't take it anymore. But I don't want to do something I'll regret later.

Now I ponder, in the Bible, God says that "I make all things new." Can it be possible that we can re-establish a brand new relationship that carries no baggages? I've forgiven her mistakes but I'm just so tired and afraid of yet another outburst from her that I want a clean break from her. But... shall I hope in God and give her another chance?

For the moment, the answer is, "No, I don't have the faith to do so..." And I still don't know what to make of the relationship now?

A Prodigal Hike

I've been a Christian for over 30 years. I wasn't born into a Christian home, but brought up in a dysfunctional foster family, with a couple who weren't married to one another. My foster mother was only 17 when she was forced to take me into her charge. Though she tried her best to take care of me, being a child herself, uneducated, orphaned and abused, she wasn't at all a role model for my growing up years, still, over here I would like to give her credit for having cared for me as well as she could.

I knew no peace while growing up. My foster mum had a foul temper (she has changed after receiving Christ 11 years ago), and my foster dad had another family with 7 children. There were 7 to 8 idols in our house and I could feel the spiritual warfare happening everyday, nightmares, bad dreams and totally unharmonious relationships. My foster parents were hostile to each other and after every episode of quarrel my mum would direct her anger and hurt towards me.

In school I lacked confidence as I was weak in studies, especially in English. Teachers never paid any attention to me. I felt transparent and made only a few friends. My childhood years were spent in loneliness, day-dreams, sadness and anxieties.

The pressures at home mounted when my foster dad cohabited with a 3rd woman and fathered an illegitimate child with her. He was then supporting 3 families, 3 disharmonious families. How did he, being a man of little education found such wealth to support 3 families? He did so by running a syndicate which collected illegal gambling bets. Despite his flaws, I'm grateful to him for raising me, and being very kind to me. He supported my education all the way to the University (while none of his own made it), got me a car (where 7 of his own kids shared one) and walked me down the aisle when I got married in Church (though he wasn't a believer). Tension ran high at his funeral when all 3 'wives' met. Those were bad memories which I've no intention to remember really.

In my twenties, God blessed me with a very good spouse, a gentle loving and patient man. Together we build a Christian home and have 2 sons. Through the early years of building a family, I've had to deal with various baggages and issues in my heart and God dealt with them one by one. I tried not to repeat the mistakes of my mum, but I did nevertheless because of my temper (which I have no idea whether it was a natural trait or a learned one). But I beseech God to change me and He did, I have my temper under control after 7 years of conscious struggle. I love my sons and brought them up to the best of my knowledge and in prayers. The Bible teaches to bring up a child in God's ways and when he is grown he will not depart from it. I believed and claimed this.

Although I've tried my best, being human, I know I have not been a perfect mum. But I love my children and there's no shadow of doubts about it. My spouse and I lived our lives with our children as our main concern. Much of my adult life was spent nurturing them and their needs and I've no energy left to build a career. I took on ad-hoc temporal part-time jobs now and then to fit them into my family schedules.

Thanks be to God that our sons grow up to be balanced individuals, having a healthy sense of self-esteem and confidence, excelling in their studies (having better academic results then their parents) and to top it all, they're faithful followers of Christ. I am so proud of them, not being prideful but being glad and relieved!

Into my 50s, I felt God's calling to witness to my colleagues who are foreigners and heeded God's call. I left my comfort zone, humbled myself and poured myself as sacrificial libation upon the altar in order to reach out to these unsaved souls, souls whom God loves and whom Christ died for. Out of 3 people, 2 were saved, thanks be to God. While serving those 2, I was often hurt in the process. Serving God is entering into the battlefield and we can be hurt in the process. I'm not perfect and I find myself grumbling at times, I wish I hadn't but I did. However, despite my failings in this, I have no regrets for the trouble taken to present them to Christ.

While I was happy and contented with my life so far, something bad happened and caused me much pain...

What pain me most now is that after my diligent and whole-hearted service to God, satan has infiltrated into our family and attacked one of our family members, causing serious doubts and unbelief in him. As a family, we could only advise that member to hold on to what's remnant of faith he has left with and not give up fighting for his faith. I've beseiged God to rescue this family member and entrust his soul to a faithful Creator. However he has his freewill and if he finally choose to undertake this prodigal journey and squander away his spiritual inheritance, I pray that like the prodigal son, he will still wake up to his senses and have the spiritual discernment to humbly return to his Heavenly Father one day. Somehow, deep inside me, I feel or I hope that like Job, God allows this prodigal trip to happen only because after he is tested, he will return stronger to guide others in the same dilemma; living your own life or submitting to a loving omni-potent, omni-science, omni-present God who knows us personally. I hope and I pine for this outcome.

This recent incident has awaken me to these truths:

1. That we must always guard our hearts for out of it flows the issues of life; LIFE - the physical and eternal!
2. That even as we minister to others and have God's stamp of approval and blessings in our ministries, we must always keep watch over our own family because the devil will try to distract us.
3. That we should never take our faith for granted, we have to be serious with God. Don't try to be a Christian, live as one!
4. That none of us is ever strong enough to stand on our own, we need God's people and there is nothing wrong with that. A baby needs his parents, a man his spouse and we all grow up in families, so it is in our spiritual lives, we need God's family.
5. That we need to choose our friends wisely. You can have unbelieving friends, but be careful of developing strong binding relationships with those who'll draw you away.
6. New experiences and knowledge are fine but as the Bible admonishes, we should always be alert to the wiles of the devil for he can confuse God's children with puff-up knowledge that brings confusion, dissension instead of peace.

At the end of the day, we have to decide whom to follow? Choose this day your 'god', is it God, Jehovah Jireh our Provider, or the world? It does not matter how we begin with God, it matters how we end. Life is a sum of all choices.

Despite the pain and sadness I'm experiencing now, I will not give up ministering to others whenever I'm in the position to do so. I will not be intimidated because God will win finally. God is sovereign. I shall continue to trust God for His goodness and mercy, and my family, yes my family, each and everyone in my family shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever!

God who had rescued me when I was sold away in infancy, God who had safe-guarded me during those unhappy days in my dysfunctional foster home, God who gave me a wonderful spouse, who blessed us with two lovely sons, this God will not fail me now or in the future, He will keep us in Him for eternity. In tears I plead...

Drifting

Still drifting, not quite knowing what to do next...

Repeating daily routines, preparing for the new year ahead, and thinking of those I'd once walked so closely with. Wondering about their well being, praying for them. I miss them but they must learn to be independent without me holding their hands.

I'm already exploring different future options for myself, even slowly venturing into a totally new area for the fun of it... Yet there is a void and emptiness inside, almost a pain that doesn't quite go away...

???

I know I'm boring many readers... I don't know what to do... next... in my ministry. The people I've cared for in my ministry are facing bigger and bigger problems in their lives and I'm really lost myself, I know not what to do next...

Affirmations

The situation in my ministry is getting complex and sticky. Human beings are complex and sticky. While I was comforted by God's words from 1Co 9:22-23 "To the weak I became weak, that I might gain the weak: I am become all things to all men, that I may by all means save some. And I do all things for the gospel’s sake, that I may be a joint partaker thereof ", I'm remorseful of the ways I'd responded to some of the things in the past...

I'm confused about what had happened and how much I'd contributed to the mess, and whether I was misled etc.. I really wish I can put an end to all these now. I really wish to just turn over whatever unfinished work to Christ and leave for a while. Anyway, I don't see myself helping out much nowadays, I've cracked my mind thinking of all sort of means and ways to help my charges in their work, but they are not progressing now, being beset by personal problems beyond them. I've counselled them to no avail. I feel so useless. Even bringing them to Church now seems riddled with new problems.

Everyone in my team is disheartened with poor business and broken relationships. I'm sick of it.

But my spouse interrupted my thoughts with this, "God's ways are higher than yours..." Yes, while I feel overwhelmed, I would like to affirm that God is sovereign and know my thoughts and ways. He has used me, a cracked pot in this ministry and knew the mistakes I would make, and still, He has chosen me to do it. I shall continue to believe that God is in control, that doors which He has opened, no man shall close. God will have His way, and God will take care of those He loves, and those He loves through me.

Which Way?

I've not been blogging much lately because of the confidentiality of the burdens I'm carrying. It concerns the lives of others and I can't simply blurt it all out in my blog, although the people concern will most probably never get to read it...

This morning, I've spent some time reading other Christian blogs and these brothers and sisters in Christ have certainly blessed me one way or another, but I'm too tired to link their blogs here to acknowledge what a blessing they've been to me, may be another time.

Things they have said that encouraged me; that we must continue to share Christ, that we should not be afraid of evil forces... my mind is so muddled now that I can't recall all, but the essence is, fight the good fight...

As children of God, you and I are not alone. We have God on our side and we have a whole horde of brothers and sisters all over the world living their lives out for God. This is an encouraging thought.

In my own ministry, where just a few weeks' back I thought I knew exactly what God had wanted me to do, NOW, I'm lost again! I'm lost because I've discovered that many things that had happened in the past weren't what I'd thought them to be! I'm referring to the facades that men put up, truths half told (which didn't form the whole picture) and I felt I've been misled by the very people I've helped. I've analysed the situations over and over, and I own up to the fact that it takes two hands and sometimes more than two hands to clap. I've done wrong in a number of situations based on my failure to comprehend the entire situation.

I've lost trust in some people. I still love them. I was weary and now I'm also wary. I need wisdom. My desire is to continue to do God's will, so please pray for me for the courage to continue and discernment to know what to do next. Thank you.

Don't Love Me So Much!

"Please don't love me so much 'cos I'm afraid to hurt you again!"

These words came from a young lady whom I'm mentoring at work and encouraging in the Lord. She has told me this before, and has again reminded me today after a rough patch we've been through recently.

I'm a little amused and bewildered. Oh yes, it's a challenge loving and taking care of her, yet I'm sure that the Lord has entrusted this task to me.

I don't exactly know her expectations, 'cos I'm actually mentoring another young man at this point in time... She seems to miss me terribly, and yet asks me not to love her so much??? So, what should I do, I'm asking God and myself???

When You Were But A Puny Little Fellow

When you were but a puny little fellow,

they'd spent much time teaching you how to use the spoon and fork,

teaching you how to put on a shirt, tie your shoe laces and button up,

teaching you how to wash your face and comb your hair,

teaching you how to wipe your nose, and your butt,

teaching you about life.

Remember the song that you took so long to learn?

Remember your incessant challenging questions?

So ...

when they grow old,

when they can't recall things, or can't catch up in speech,

when they repeat a past moment of glory for the nth time,

please be patient with them.

When they've forgotten how to tie their shoes,

when they begin to spill stuff onto their clothes,

when their hands tremble as they comb their hair,

please don't hurry them,

because as you grow up gradually,

they'll grow old eventually.

They will be contented as long as they are near enough to behold you,

it'll bless their hearts,

when the day comes when they can't stand for long or walk without aid,

when you hold them tightly, and walk closely besides,

just like

the good old days, when they held you closely by their side...

Can't Please All

I've made a choice lately, leaving my sales-group to join another group within the same company. I brought 2 others along. In the mini 'exodus', I've offended a number of people, then again, I've made life so much easier for those I've 'rescued'.

Life in the former group was restrictive and almost oppressive. Standards were low and unless you're industrious, resourceful and independent, you won't grow as a professional. The last straw came when someone tried to bull-doze his ways through, disregarding the feelings of others. When an act of bullying was committed before my very eyes, minor as it was, but one that was significant enough to catch my attention, and to ponder its meaning and repurcussion, I made an impulsive decision to LEAVE and persuaded 2 to follow. We left.

Now, we're all having a breather, doing things with more focus, deliberation and better than ever. At first I was afraid I'd made a wrong choice that might negatively affect my colleagues, but God is merciful. He has made all things worked together for good. My younger colleague, the one who was not accorded respect nor properly trained in the former group, is now soaring. She's given a new hope and future. I thank God for her excellent performance this month, praise God.

Looking back, I didn't exit with proper grace, we left in a hurry, with little explanation, we just packed up and left without turning our heads, enough was enough, I couldn't afford to let my young colleague take another blow, couldn't afford to let her faith and confidence shaken AGAIN. We must go before it was too late, so off we went!

I have had my misgivings that I could have left with more grace and a proper explanation, but even if I had to do it all over again, given my temperament, I would have done the same thing.

I accept responsibility for my rash act, but the past is the past, all I'm concern with now is to contribute to the present group, and fulfill God's commission to me, i.e. to take care of the foreigners in my sphere of influence.

Speechless

Another colleague leaving the company as he finds it tough going. I'm with this company for about 6 months and so far 4 colleagues have left. It saddens me. It puzzles me that I'm sad. Why? Why am I sad that people leave for greener pasture? I've been on good terms with them but our friendships, save one, isn't really that in depth. I don't know whether it's pre-menopausal symptoms or what but I'm really becoming sentimental and emotional nowadays. Argh, one more colleague leaving, I'm sadden whenever one leaves, like I've lost something... I wish them all the best.

Forgiveness

I hope to be able to share this in a nutshell, quickly and sweetly.

For a few years I've been participating in this cell group where I've some issues with a prominent member. He is growing in the Lord but he seems to be getting legalistic this past year, focusing on the letter of the Bible but sacrificing the spirit therein. He can't graciously accept feedbacks from the others but insists on carrying out God's work according to his faulty interpretations. He reminds me of the self-righteous elder brother in the story of the prodigal son.

Life was getting unbearable with him in the group and I was exceedingly disappointed, hurt and angered to the point of being tempted to give up my faith totally. My reaction alarmed me. I recognized it as a big fat lie from the devil and though I ranted about it, I resisted the thought. Recognizing the danger I was in, I turned straight to God and prayed that I would forgive that brother and move on in my faith. Though I didn't feel much forgiveness flowing out from me, I'd prayed by faith. There are things we can do, and there are things that only God can do. I gave myself time, and I gave God time. I trusted that God would eventually work it out in my life.

I'd actually left the cell group for fear of further confrontations with him, and intended to leave matters this way. Now, I'm embarking on a new job. There's so much to learn, but peace continues to elude me.

This morning in Church, someone preached on the importance of family and fatherhood. Throughout the message, I learnt so many things that could apply to different aspects of my life. Though the message did not center on forgiveness, I knew that God had something for each one of us in that congregation according to our needs.

Fathers were called to the altar to be prayed for, and my spouse went forward. I didn't know he'd left my side because I was so engrossed in my own prayer. I didn't intend to say this prayer, but somehow (I believe) God just led me into it so naturally. I prayed, "Father, I forgive ........ totally and unreservedly." Immediately, I sensed a great relief. The weight on my heart lifted.

After service today, I've gained a new perspective for my new job. I've more courage, and I intend to return to the cell group, though I'd prayed to God to give me space to time my visits. I can't visit as often or participate as actively as before because the brother has yet to recognize the problems he has created for us. But I shall return to encourage the other brothers and sisters in Christ, knowing that they've been praying for me.

God's words are not mere commandments. His words heal. He has commanded us to forgive, because only thus will He be able to heal us. Someone says that when you forgive, you're releasing a prisoner, only to find out that the prisoner is YOURSELF.

I've asked my family to sustain me in prayer, that regardless of the future happenings in this cell group, I will not be so seriously hurt that I'll go into an emotional and spiritual spin again.

The Holy Spirit distinctly put a song in my heart 2 weeks' back. It goes, "I've decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back." Jesus Himself has promised us, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

May the Lord bless and encourage you all in your walk with Him.

Say It, Tell, Spit It Out!

Jesus said, "It is more blessed to give than to receive". And He's right.

Sometime back, someone (shucks, I can't even remember who) awarded me a "Sisterhood Award" or something, but I didn't know what to do with it other than thanking the person! Then 2 days' back, Rae gave me the "Kreative Award". Oh, I'm getting the hang of it now, I'm supposed to sort of 'hang' up the award on my blog in appreciation for the honour bestowed. Oic (knocking my forehead).

Then, I thought, I've better start giving out awards of my own to all those online friends who have been so supportive of me all this while. And I did, in the post below.

Now, here's the interesting part; seeing what huge encouragement my simple little virtual award can do for those who've received it! Take a look at the reactions from Rachel, Neen, Judy and Miles! And I feel so good when they feel so good! :)

Their excitement in getting the award tells me that I've done something right. This reminds me that it is important to EXPRESS OUR APPRECIATION to people, especially to those whom we care for! What is love if it is hidden in the heart? What can such kind of love do? It has no impact.

If a simple virtual thingy like this can spice up someone's life and give him/her renewed hope, encouragement and affirmation, think of what your genuine spoken words of love can do for your loved ones?

So say it, tell, spit it out today, don't delay, "I really appreciate you for ..." and see what you'll receive in return! :)

A Gracious Exit

Aaargghh ... have lots of stirrings within, wonder how to post this, thoughts are all jumbled up ...

Well, today's my last day of work. Since they have only regarded me as a temporary contract staff, they were taken by surprise when I brought 2 cakes to 'celebrate' my departure. They've expected me to leave quietly. Nah, won't do. If we don't make life interesting for ourselves, who else will do so for us? :)

We've a good time chatting, cracking jokes, exchanging thank-yous and all other niceties. (They're obliged to do so 'cos they're eating my cakes! Haha, just joking ...) ;)

Ah 'tis the art of a gracious exit, a skill I've learnt from a former colleague. Whatever the reason for leaving, never burn bridges. I've honestly and sincerely treated them as friends. It doesn't matter that the time was short. I've enjoyed their different personalities and have indeed learnt life's lessons from interacting with them.

They're very generous towards me too, quickly sneaking off to buy me presents etc. I just can't outgive them!

Last impressions are as impactful as first's. Thank God for a good closure to this chapter of my life. I've exited with pleasant memories. :)

Communication, Mis-Communication

She walked in, head held high and instructed impassively without a smile, "I've ordered pizza, when it comes, call me!"

I was busy completing an assignment for my reporting officer when I looked at up this staff from another department. I reacted instinctively in an annoying way, "Who are you?!" (Well, I was rather displeased, you didn't greet me, didn't bother to find out my name, you'd obviously made a request, but didn't say 'please', and you expected me to know who you are like you are some big shot, and goodness, you ordered me like I'm your subordinate!)

She was a little taken aback by my frankness and told me her name and phone extension number. I simply responded that I wouldn't be around to wait for her pizza after 12.30 pm. She took note and left.

As I continued my work, I couldn't help but simmered inside, "Why should I be bothered with your lunch? Shouldn't you just wait here for your pizza? I've better things to do then to attend to your pizza! At least have the courtesy to order an extra one for me then may be I won't be so angry, sheesh, what attitude is this ..." My mind wouldn't shut up!

Ah, I discovered later that the pizza was ordered for an official function and not for personal consumption, and she wasn't too happy to be mistakened, yet these bad vibes could have been avoided if she has had the common sense to be polite in her initial request.

IF she had said something like this, "Hi, you are new here, may I know your name? Oh, hi Jane, I'm so-and-so, hey Jane, I've ordered pizza for an event, when the pizza arrives, could you please give me a tinkle? (smile, smile) Well, thanks". IF she had requested thus, I wouldn't have been so worked up.

On the other hand, I concede, I should have been more proactive to avoid a misunderstanding. I should have found out more details from her instead of allowing myself to react instantly. It takes two hands to clap, be it creating a problem or avoiding one.

Ya, 'tis a lesson I'm still learning - be slow to anger. Sigh ...

I Don't Care What You Know Till I Know You Care!

If you are a teacher, how do you get ‘attention deficit’ (that is, IF they are really ADD) children or teenagers to listen to you? They simply don't care!

The most challenging classes to teach in Singapore would be the Normal Stream (Technical) classes. When I did relief teaching some years back, I was often asked to relieve teachers of NT classes who seemed to be frequently away on sick leave. What (or WHO) were they 'sicked of '?

Faced with about 30 boisterous and uninterested students bent on nothing but annoying you, how do you get their attention?

Ah, my present work somehow brings back memories of the time when I was doing relief teaching. Good and bad memories, successes and failures. Allow me to share some meaningful moments with you eh?

Hm ... this happened many years back, I remember staring at them and groaning inside, “Who are your parents? Why are you so angry? Why come to school, wasting time and resources if you don't want to study?”

I tried to be tough, it was tiring. Then an idea hit me and I decided to experiment with it.

One day I said to them, “I want you to write an essay."

They were like, "Gasp, you must be joking."

"The title of your essay is, “I, Me and Myself”. They got interested.

"You see, I was a Probation Officer, and you people reminded me of the defendants whose cases I’d to process. Most of them came from very complicated family backgrounds. Speaking of broken homes, I myself didn’t grow up happily." Silence fell.

"I’m curious to know more about you. Share with me about your family, yourself, what makes you happy, what makes you sad and what’s your ambition? Write anything you want about yourself. While I may not be able to provide solutions to your problems, I will at least be able to listen to you, and perhaps offer some suggestions and advice which you are free to accept or reject. Your story is safe with me, I will not tell others about your problems.”

Guess what happened next?

Cautiously, some began to pull out their A4 notepads and started writing. Then, those without papers didn't want to be left out and started begging, borrowing or snatching pieces of paper from their neighbours! Soon, the whole class was engrossed in writing! The transformation was striking! They wanted so much to tell their stories!

Then, I was quite amused when the Principal passed by and was amazed at this unbelievable sight of NT students resolutely scribbling away! Heh heh heh ... This class had never been quieter.

Occasionally someone would raise his hand and asked, “Teacher, how do you spell ‘angry’?” I spelt it out on the board for all to see and use if required. Another called out, “Teacher, how to spell ‘family’?” I wrote on the board again. Before the two sessions were over, the board was filled with words from left to right. “Hmm, not a bad way to teach English” I thought.

I spent the next 5 days (at least) marking their essays, not stumped by their poor standard of English, but floored by the problems they revealed!

... One girl wrote a 4 page essay on her family problems, highlighting her misconceived guilt that she had accidentally caused the death of her granny when she was, but a little girl.
... Another girl lamented her parents’ divorce and feared that she would eventually forget how her natural father looks like one day.
... One boy penned down his hatred against his dad and how he would rather spend the nights hanging out with friends than staying home with him.
... Another boy wrote of his experiments with different kinds of drugs, and another of his bisexual inclinations
... etc…

Their stories overwhelmed me. I replied each one in detail, giving encouragement when encouragement was due, and advice when advice was due. Some of my painstaking replies were longer than their essays.

All eyes were fixed on me the next time I entered the same class. I returned their essays with my type-written responses. Thus, they spent another session quietly with me, as they carefully poured over my replies. Then (surpirse, surprise, I was quite amused) they started exchanging and reading each other’s essay/reply. "Hey, that's confidential" I thought, but I didn't stop them 'cos it was their prerogative to share their stories.

Then in the days that followed, our relationship improved. When I requested them to keep quiet in class, they obeyed. When I attempted to teach them, they listened. A few even came to me individually to discuss personal troubles and sought advice.

I'll never forget this girl ...

She ran away from home after hearing her mother's damaging insults. When her friend brought her to me, I'd only 10 minutes to talk to her! I really didn’t know what to say and how to comfort her. I prayed silently and urgently in my heart as I fumbled around for a word in season.

Then God’s wisdom guided me as I earnestly spoke from my heart on how I had always felt positively about her, and thank God, what I’d said in those 10 minutes redressed what her mom had said earlier. It was like magic! Her countenance shone and her eyes sparkled! She smiled appreciatively. I perceived that she'd regained her confidence that moment!

The next time I met her, one of her eyes was bloodshot after a hard slap from her mom! I was shocked! How could anyone do this to her own flesh and blood? I listened to her story for an hour, not because she'd asked for it, but because I knew she needed the support. She assured me that she'd managed to stay calm this time and didn’t run away from home. She had learnt resilience.

Well, well, well, what else can I say?

Sometimes, what we need is someone to come alongside us once in a while, to tell us that we are worthy. Being loved and cared for is the greatest motivation to succeed in anything we do.

Teaching is an emotionally draining job. I salute all teachers out there who are committed to their teaching profession. My best wishes to you teachers, and oh, make sure you have sufficient insurance coverage for all types of illnesses.

Seasoned Speech - Get The Response You Want

One well-meaning lady was trying to advise her colleague to improve on something. She criticized her loudly at the office without trying to listen first. The results? Tension and bad vibes.

Have you ever been frustrated with conversations that seemed to get nowhere? Or ever wondered how to get people to listen to and accept your ideas, advice or suggestions?

How do you get the response you want and get people to do your biddings?

By knowing exactly what motivates them, and phrase your speech in such a way that they WANT to listen to you! {This, incidentally, is what marketing is all about too. ;) }

But different folks, different strokes. You'll have to speak differently to different people in order to get the same response you want. Ok, story time ...

When the Titantic was sinking and there were few lifeboats available, the captain had to think of ingenious ways to get able-bodied men to volunteer to jump overboard. Quickly, he scanned the ship and saw men from different countries.

Being a man of seasoned speech and great wisdom, he persuaded, "Guys, we have limited number of lifeboats and I suggest that we reserve them for the ladies, the old and the frail. Will good and gracious gentlemen volunteer to jump overboard, please?" What happened next? All the dignified British gentlemen jumped into the sea.

Then shifting his focus to the rest, the captain said, "We need heroes to jump too!" And all the hot-blooded American men jumped off courageously.

The captain continued, "No, this won't do, we need MORE to jump. I'll need to enforce a new rule in the ship for the good of all. Ok, obey the rule, I want you to jump!" All the German men responded dutifully.

Then, looking at the Japanese men, the captain appealed, "I'll leave you to determine by consensus, to jump or not to jump for your family's sake..." The Japanese discussed animatedly among themselves and by a majority vote, jumped off the ship in unity.

With most men overboard, the captain finally worked his way down to the last group of men, his ultimate challenge - Singaporeans! "Oh boy ..." Stumped and scratching his head, he wondered what would motivate them? Then struck by sudden brillance, he announced, "Ooi, free life-jackets for those who jump!" Guess what? They clamoured to form a queue, and jumped happily as they put on their free gift!

See? Know who you're speaking to, what motivates them, and speak to them accordingly.

Having said all these, of course, I'm assuming that you'll want to help others out, and not try to manipulate others into doing your biddings huh? :)

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29 TNIV)