The recent 'exodus' episode is still ringing in my mind. Accusing thoughts come with the reprimanding voice of my former team member saying, "You, being a mother of two grown sons, don't you ever think of the consequences!" She's referring to my indifference to the feelings of our former team-mates and how that would spoil our work-relationship forever.
Well indeed, we've left in a huff. I question myself frequently over these few days. Would I have done it better if I have been more patient or if I have a cooler head on my shoulder? But even if time would roll back, I know I would have done the same thing in the exact same way over and over again! I have had enough!
Although I didn't handle the situation in a better way, I believe God has got one of His purposes achieved through my hastiness, that is, my younger colleague is finally blossoming! Her welfare was the ONLY thing on my mind when we left, nothing else matters, and nothing else still matters now... Success is more important for her than what I appear in the eyes of those left behind.
I have a doubt. What about my testimony to those left behind? Am I not a bad testimony to them? I believe God cares for them too. Along with this troubling thought is the temptation that I should not serve God since I've almost always made the same mistakes in my service; hastiness. But God can't use dead people to serve Him, can He? And those alive make mistakes. So who else?
I WILL continue to serve my God, and I will strive to be a little wiser each time. Thank God for His mercy. I AM an old cracked pot, but still in the Master's service. I will not let mistakes discourage me. :)