The recent 'exodus' episode is still ringing in my mind. Accusing thoughts come with the reprimanding voice of my former team member saying, "You, being a mother of two grown sons, don't you ever think of the consequences!" She's referring to my indifference to the feelings of our former team-mates and how that would spoil our work-relationship forever.
Well indeed, we've left in a huff. I question myself frequently over these few days. Would I have done it better if I have been more patient or if I have a cooler head on my shoulder? But even if time would roll back, I know I would have done the same thing in the exact same way over and over again! I have had enough!
Although I didn't handle the situation in a better way, I believe God has got one of His purposes achieved through my hastiness, that is, my younger colleague is finally blossoming! Her welfare was the ONLY thing on my mind when we left, nothing else matters, and nothing else still matters now... Success is more important for her than what I appear in the eyes of those left behind.
However...
I have a doubt. What about my testimony to those left behind? Am I not a bad testimony to them? I believe God cares for them too. Along with this troubling thought is the temptation that I should not serve God since I've almost always made the same mistakes in my service; hastiness. But God can't use dead people to serve Him, can He? And those alive make mistakes. So who else?
I WILL continue to serve my God, and I will strive to be a little wiser each time. Thank God for His mercy. I AM an old cracked pot, but still in the Master's service. I will not let mistakes discourage me. :)
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4 weeks ago
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2 comments:
God has the ones behind on his heart. I know that you did witness to the ones doing wrong but not everyone will recieve your witness and you are not responsible for how people view you. You are covered by his mercy the guilt is not from God. You watched a situation for awhile and I think you even spoke up about it. It is not like you woke up one morning and said I quit without first trying to get help or resolve the problem. Did you ever think that your haste may actually make those behind begin to question some of the behaviors around them. Maybe just maybe God will use what you call your rush. Also the ones who left with you needed your strength to get out from under. The doubt is not from God, the accusation is not from God. Be bless and press on leaving what is behind you behind.
Thanks Analisa, I know what you're saying but I also know that those left behind could rationalise and justify their own actions and my action would give them more talking points against Christianity. But I'm ok, I'll put this behind, would covet your prayers for my new role in the new group, this group is very different from the last. Thanks :)
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