Doing Right Doing Wrong

I've lived long enough on planet Earth to be able to discern what's right and wrong! Or do I?

Well, there are times when I got confused. Recently I've done something drastic in a moment of fury to help a friend. I thought it was a good deed and though it seemed to have better the life of the one I'd helped, my action had disrupted and derailed the lives of others.

This burden gnawed at my conscience for many a days until a preacher shared on Mark 2:1-12. It was the story of 4 men who carried their friend, a paraplegic to Jesus for healing. When they reached Peter's house where Jesus was in, they couldn't get in because of the crowd.

So what did the 4 men do? Return home and come again another day? Wait for their turn? They couldn't wait, they refused to wait and they made a drastic decision. They climbed up to the roof of the house and hacked it opened till they could lower their friend to Jesus' feet. They didn't care what others thought of them, ignored the shouts and fury of others to stop hacking, and perhaps risked being hauled to court later on for damaging Peter's property. Because of their determination and love, their friend was ultimately healed by Jesus.

There and then at that moment when this story was re-told at the pulpit, my eyes moistened. I was touched. The preacher was teaching another sermon with that story but God ministered to me in another way.

Imagine, would you approve of such anti-social behaviours? The vandalism of property? The audacity to interrupt a conference where Jesus was the guest-of-honour? And not waiting in line for one's turn? Would you? But Jesus did not reprimand the 4 men. He overlooked their rashness and had his eyes fixed on the man in need ...

I cried because I felt like one of the men. I'm so thankful to God for looking beyond my mistakes and blessing my friend...

Feeling God Again

Dear Heavenly Father, I need a huge dose of your anointing in my life right now, to recover my sense of direction, purpose, mission and meaning, to recover the peace and joy that I've once enjoyed. I know that whatever I've lost can be found at the foot of your cross... that's where I need to find myself... Help me find you again Lord.

A Spare Tyre

Just musing, I'm like a spare tyre to someone and I'm not putting myself down. Think about it, when you've done what you should've done, and could have done, and couldn't do more than what you've done, you retreat into the background and kind of fade away. That's how I feel now. A spare tyre.

Is the spare tyre important? It is! Though it is not in used, it has to be there. No car goes around without a spare tyre in its boot! It's unthinkable, it's dangerous. Though it is a spare tyre, and is not the one running, having it in its place gives the driver a great deal of confidence. If a tyre gets punctured, there's a spare one in the boot! A spare tyre gives a lot of psychological comfort and support, and no car owner can go without it.

So, I'm a spare tyre, I'm always here for you, you can't see me, you don't sense me, you're not even aware of my existence sometimes, but I'm here for you, and when you have a flat tyre, you'll remember me, and I will serve you faithfully. :)

Inspiration Surpasses Knowledge

Which is more important? Inspiration or knowledge?

I would go for the former. After the release from her former sales team, I saw how my young colleague gave her best to her work. While she had not been able to really sell on her own in the past, she started making sales even for products which are challenging to sell, and she did it without any sample copy to show her customers, she just rattled off and sold! I don't think anyone in my company has done this.

But an unfortunate incident happened after her success. In the very first training given by her new manager, and after watching her mock presentation for that particular product, how she sold without showing any sample, her new manager said, "You've no product knowledge and your customers bought because they are easy customers who agree to everything you've said, you won't be able to sell if you continue like this, I want you to learn ...."

My heart sank a few inches lower than where it should be when I heard this comment. God knows how much time and labour I've put into this young lady to build up her confidence, and her new manager just shot it down within seconds!

My new colleague hasn't been selling lately because it's the Chinese New Year season and very few families would entertain salesmen. But if there's any traces of doubt in my younger colleague's mind after that training session, I plead with God, "Oh please God, D'ONT let history repeats itself, please help her to continue in the success you've given her!"

Her recent success was due largely to a sense of liberation and inspiration after getting out of her former stifling team. I disagreed vehemently to what her new manager said of her. She may need to improve herself in product knowledge, but certainly, without a shadow of doubt, she HAS the aptitude to sell and she WILL succeed!

May the Lord preserve her faith and confidence! No careless words spoken against her shall prevail against the work that the Lord has begun in her!

Cracked But Usable

The recent 'exodus' episode is still ringing in my mind. Accusing thoughts come with the reprimanding voice of my former team member saying, "You, being a mother of two grown sons, don't you ever think of the consequences!" She's referring to my indifference to the feelings of our former team-mates and how that would spoil our work-relationship forever.

Well indeed, we've left in a huff. I question myself frequently over these few days. Would I have done it better if I have been more patient or if I have a cooler head on my shoulder? But even if time would roll back, I know I would have done the same thing in the exact same way over and over again! I have had enough!

Although I didn't handle the situation in a better way, I believe God has got one of His purposes achieved through my hastiness, that is, my younger colleague is finally blossoming! Her welfare was the ONLY thing on my mind when we left, nothing else matters, and nothing else still matters now... Success is more important for her than what I appear in the eyes of those left behind.

However...

I have a doubt. What about my testimony to those left behind? Am I not a bad testimony to them? I believe God cares for them too. Along with this troubling thought is the temptation that I should not serve God since I've almost always made the same mistakes in my service; hastiness. But God can't use dead people to serve Him, can He? And those alive make mistakes. So who else?

I WILL continue to serve my God, and I will strive to be a little wiser each time. Thank God for His mercy. I AM an old cracked pot, but still in the Master's service. I will not let mistakes discourage me. :)

Can't Please All

I've made a choice lately, leaving my sales-group to join another group within the same company. I brought 2 others along. In the mini 'exodus', I've offended a number of people, then again, I've made life so much easier for those I've 'rescued'.

Life in the former group was restrictive and almost oppressive. Standards were low and unless you're industrious, resourceful and independent, you won't grow as a professional. The last straw came when someone tried to bull-doze his ways through, disregarding the feelings of others. When an act of bullying was committed before my very eyes, minor as it was, but one that was significant enough to catch my attention, and to ponder its meaning and repurcussion, I made an impulsive decision to LEAVE and persuaded 2 to follow. We left.

Now, we're all having a breather, doing things with more focus, deliberation and better than ever. At first I was afraid I'd made a wrong choice that might negatively affect my colleagues, but God is merciful. He has made all things worked together for good. My younger colleague, the one who was not accorded respect nor properly trained in the former group, is now soaring. She's given a new hope and future. I thank God for her excellent performance this month, praise God.

Looking back, I didn't exit with proper grace, we left in a hurry, with little explanation, we just packed up and left without turning our heads, enough was enough, I couldn't afford to let my young colleague take another blow, couldn't afford to let her faith and confidence shaken AGAIN. We must go before it was too late, so off we went!

I have had my misgivings that I could have left with more grace and a proper explanation, but even if I had to do it all over again, given my temperament, I would have done the same thing.

I accept responsibility for my rash act, but the past is the past, all I'm concern with now is to contribute to the present group, and fulfill God's commission to me, i.e. to take care of the foreigners in my sphere of influence.

Happenings

My life has been revolving around my work lately. Things are happening, good things, bad things and new things.

The good things, I've got a brand new god-daughter and have been able to sell rather successfully lately. The bad things, someone with questionable character is recruited into my company and work relationships have been touchy. New things ... I've initiated a move for 2 of my colleagues and I (so the 3 of us) into a new team, and there'll be new arrangements ...

Because of all the happenings, I've been having restless sleep and quick devotional time, sometimes even missing it! I know I need to quiet myself before the Lord. I don't quite know what's troubling me but there seem to be hang-ups somewhere and I can't quite put a finger to the worrying factors.

I need a break.

Still Kicking

Hi all, just to say I'm alive and kicking in 2010. :) I thank God for His goodness towards my household in 2009.

And hey, a piece of good news to those who are concerned, the person I was witnessing to, she accepted Christ on 24 Dec 09 and I'd caught her joy on video! Praise God! Finally, I've 'achieved' something of lasting, eternal value, not that I could save her but that I was let into this privilege of reaching out to her for Christ. Praise God!

I love her.

Sales - A Lesser Job?

Once, an ex-classmate saw me selling books at a counter and exclaimed, "No need lah!" which is our way of saying, "I'm sure you can do better than this, why suffer!" I cringed.

Perhaps it's my cold acting up that I'm a little melancholic lately, toying with the thought that perhaps I should move on to a more respectable job? A sales job isn't the most sought after job in my country. Many people look down on sales people. There is not one single sales-person out there who doesn't have a story to tell of his/her client from h*** .

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It's funny how basic courtesies are discarded when people meet salesmen. I once visited a family that let their dog barked at me without restraint while they expect me to tell them the purpose of my visit above the din. When I couldn't make myself heard above the ferocious barking, the man arrogantly waved me away. I left after glancing at the huge cross hanging on their front door.

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And my colleagues had it worse when they were literally 'swept' away during a home-visit. They were talking to the man of the house at the door while the woman of the house stood between them and swept dust right onto their feet! In Asian culture, this is the worst insult! You sweep dirt out of the house, NOT people.

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Each time I face rejection, I take them in my strides as part and parcel of my job, but I can't help feeling a sense of disappointment when someone disregard another fellow human being with such disdain. And when I meet Christians who misbehave thus, my disappointment doubles.

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May God have mercy on snobbish people that they won't find themselves retrenched and soliciting for sales on the streets! Then, there are nice people who, by choice, choose to be gentle with us, offering us drinks, treating us as guests, may the Lord richly bless and reward these kind souls, many of whom aren't Christians.

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So, while my ex-classmate misconceives that I'm down and out, she has no idea that I've chosen one of the most challenging careers in the world! I know God is working out His plans in my life through this job and as long as God is with me, I don't care what others think of me. :)

Saviour, Please

Are you burdened and heavy laden?
Let the lyrics of this song minister to your weary soul:

Savior please, take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long it'll last

Chorus:
I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all that I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Hallelujah
Is everything I'll ever need
Hallelujah
And I'm learning to believe
Hallelujah
That I don't have to prove a thing
Hallelujah
'Cos You're the One who's saving me
Hallelujah
I try to be so tough