Waiting ... I've labored hard these days for two important things; my job and someone's salvation. Both are slow in bearing fruits. My patience has been stretched and tested, sometimes to the breaking point. My faith wavers. "Was it really You Lord who have called me into this???"
Then, each time I doubted, encouraging thoughts would come in, like, "What is seen is transient, what is unseen is eternal", "All things work together for good, with those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose." "It is more blessed to give than to receive." And simply, "Hang on."
I know in there somewhere, in my mind, heart or intestines, that it is not time to leave the two goals that have sustained my enthusiasm these past 6 months. Nothing has been accomplished yet! At least, nothing that can be seen has been accomplished yet. Yet, something inside says that I can't go yet.
Doubts came when I counted my costs, in terms of time, money and effort. Goodness, I'd toiled for the past 6 months, and earned nothing in the balance! You know, taking away the expenses etc. from my income, I'm left with nothing, may be even a negative number!
I'd told myself a few months' back that hey, some missionaries are working with no financial support and over here, I've an opportunity to earn an income while I witness for the Lord, I'm better off! ... Yes, I acknowledge, I'm indeed better off than many worthy children of God who risk life and limbs for our Saviour, and here I'm whining...
But, I can't help it. I'm only human God and I'm so tired. I've worked my butts off literally, I used to have a round butt, now it's flat! Perhaps You can spend a little less time on my hair, and start counting my sales? Please?
Ah, I'm not dictating what God can do in my life... God is not my God if He can't have His ways in my life, and His ways are always good, and yields far-fetching results beyond our wildest dreams. I'm just tired, and I shall just eat, drink and sleep, and eat, drink and sleep again till I gain enough strength to run the next 40 days and 40 nights like Jeremiah did!