16.11.09

Tired

This is a confession, I'm tired trying to do God's will, or what I perceive as God's will. I did what I thought He has led me to do, but time and again, when it seems when the time for harvesting is near, that I realize it's no way at all near! What has happened to all the seeds I've scattered? My time, sweat, labour and tears?

There's a Chinese saying, that says my good works have gone to the dogs, and you've not appreciated the things I've done for you! I shouldn't be whining, I know. I've no right to whine because you've not asked for my help, but I've initiated it. You're human and you fail my expectation, but I'm human too, and I fail MY own expectation. Sheesh...

Well, I acknowledge, I'm just plain impatient. God has indeed roped me in in His good works for men, and at the same time, my God is molding me along the way. I still feel like a child, His child in the molding and I'm glad He bothers with me...

Ah, I'm running out of fuel, spiritual and emotional fuel, even my physical strength is failing, and my back hurts! I may have wandered away from God's leading and did things my ways and in my own limited strength. What shall I do next?

I shall rest in God, slow down, pray, be quiet as a child in her mum's bosom, step back a little, and see if God will show His next move for me... I'm always so full of actions that I may just rush in to work out all my plans, but really, for now, I'm thinking, I should just mind my own business, no, not that I shouldn't care anymore, but I've done all I could to help this person out that I know not what else to do. I shall leave her for a while, nurture my own spiritual walk with God again, and sharpen my skills at my job and contribute to my company's sales. I commit her into God's hands.

As best as I remember, the Bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and rely not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall make straight your path."

I'm so tired, God please quiet me down.

5 comments:

Pttyann said...

Amen,just rest and wait on God for he will lead you the right way.
Love ya Jane and I hope you feel better.

Lynn said...

This is what I have to do over and over again:

Be still and know that I am God.

Whatever seeds you have sown may not bear fruit to your eyes, but the Lord noticed. Leave the results up to Him.

God bless.

Jane said...

Thanks for your encouragement, sisters, I know we're just called to be faithful and do our part but it's God who give the growth, I'm just a little drained, tired of waiting... But when God opens doors, no one shall shut it. Thanks for dropping by. :)

Jane said...

Pat (Pttyann), I'd tried commenting in your blog but it takes ages to load on my computer, could you check it out? Your entries are always very meaningful and encouraging, thank you.

- Jan - said...

God will give you strength, Jane. Just be patient and leave it to Him.
God bless you :)