This is a confession, I'm tired trying to do God's will, or what I perceive as God's will. I did what I thought He has led me to do, but time and again, when it seems when the time for harvesting is near, that I realize it's no way at all near! What has happened to all the seeds I've scattered? My time, sweat, labour and tears?
There's a Chinese saying, that says my good works have gone to the dogs, and you've not appreciated the things I've done for you! I shouldn't be whining, I know. I've no right to whine because you've not asked for my help, but I've initiated it. You're human and you fail my expectation, but I'm human too, and I fail MY own expectation. Sheesh...
Well, I acknowledge, I'm just plain impatient. God has indeed roped me in in His good works for men, and at the same time, my God is molding me along the way. I still feel like a child, His child in the molding and I'm glad He bothers with me...
Ah, I'm running out of fuel, spiritual and emotional fuel, even my physical strength is failing, and my back hurts! I may have wandered away from God's leading and did things my ways and in my own limited strength. What shall I do next?
I shall rest in God, slow down, pray, be quiet as a child in her mum's bosom, step back a little, and see if God will show His next move for me... I'm always so full of actions that I may just rush in to work out all my plans, but really, for now, I'm thinking, I should just mind my own business, no, not that I shouldn't care anymore, but I've done all I could to help this person out that I know not what else to do. I shall leave her for a while, nurture my own spiritual walk with God again, and sharpen my skills at my job and contribute to my company's sales. I commit her into God's hands.
As best as I remember, the Bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and rely not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall make straight your path."
I'm so tired, God please quiet me down.