Disappointment

Well, I'm not sad, but a tad disappointed.

You see I tried to be a friend to this person, who's always unhappy and troubled. She opens up very easily, pouring out her woes and pain that you could do nothing but empathize with her. Yet very so often when life goes on, and her burden's too much to bear, she'll take the liberty to unleash her unhappiness at people around her. Fortunately or unfortunately, she is always excused by all the kind people around her because they understand her condition, and try consistently to overlook her tantrums.

She has many great attributes in her character but seems to be always seeing her cup half empty in circumstances and view herself as a victim without control. It should suffice if she wants to sulk, but to leverage on her sickness and expect others to tip toe around her is just too much for me to bear. I don't hate her, but I just can't tolerate this childishness.

You'll never know when she'll raise her voice or when she'll get angry over what. Meaning in conversations get misconstrued and actions get misinterpreted very easily with her. Very often I see her getting angry and I don't see why she needs to get upset.

So what am I supposed to do, having to see her almost everyday? I'll just take it a day at a time, and avoid too much contact with her cos it's too stressful. Confession - I lack patience ...

As a mother, I wouldn't pander to my children's misbehaviours because I'll spoil them. Similarly, I don't think it's good and right for me to pander to this person's ways too. It's time for her to learn that others, like her, have their own problems and sensitivities. She isn't the only one who can get hurt. For anyone that matters, a line should be drawn if she over-steps her boundary.

So what now?

So things are a little strained as they are. Don't get me wrong. I don't intend to battle with her and make an enemy out of her. Weirdly, I sincerely want to be her friend. (Perhaps I see a little of my troubled self and past in her) If opportunity arises, I still look forward to assist her in her tasks. Otherwise, I would like to keep to myself and not touch this mimosa.

Then again, shouldn't I let God loves her through me? Ah ... torn by conflicting thoughts. I really wish to help. Want to be a friend. I do like her and appreciate things about her. Yet it's tiring having to be so watchful over what I say and do all the time.

Shrug ... that's the best I can do for now. Unless the Lord points His finger at me and zaps me from heaven this instant, soaking me from head to toe with His boundless love, I know not what else to do for self-preservation.

I REALLY don't mind to be thus zapped by God though! :) How wonderful it would be, to be zapped by Him and then be able to love instantly! Ha!

ZAPPED!! Ouch! Then looove oozes out ... Halo hovering above head ... :) (Hm, may be He's zapping real slowly, zzzzzap, then I go ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, then years later, I'll be able to love more easily ... sheesh)

Humbly acknowledging, I'm AM a cracked pot, but still in my Father's service.

Father God, I have failed you and I am so sorry, please help me to do better.