A Prodigal Hike

I've been a Christian for over 30 years. I wasn't born into a Christian home, but brought up in a dysfunctional foster family, with a couple who weren't married to one another. My foster mother was only 17 when she was forced to take me into her charge. Though she tried her best to take care of me, being a child herself, uneducated, orphaned and abused, she wasn't at all a role model for my growing up years, still, over here I would like to give her credit for having cared for me as well as she could.

I knew no peace while growing up. My foster mum had a foul temper (she has changed after receiving Christ 11 years ago), and my foster dad had another family with 7 children. There were 7 to 8 idols in our house and I could feel the spiritual warfare happening everyday, nightmares, bad dreams and totally unharmonious relationships. My foster parents were hostile to each other and after every episode of quarrel my mum would direct her anger and hurt towards me.

In school I lacked confidence as I was weak in studies, especially in English. Teachers never paid any attention to me. I felt transparent and made only a few friends. My childhood years were spent in loneliness, day-dreams, sadness and anxieties.

The pressures at home mounted when my foster dad cohabited with a 3rd woman and fathered an illegitimate child with her. He was then supporting 3 families, 3 disharmonious families. How did he, being a man of little education found such wealth to support 3 families? He did so by running a syndicate which collected illegal gambling bets. Despite his flaws, I'm grateful to him for raising me, and being very kind to me. He supported my education all the way to the University (while none of his own made it), got me a car (where 7 of his own kids shared one) and walked me down the aisle when I got married in Church (though he wasn't a believer). Tension ran high at his funeral when all 3 'wives' met. Those were bad memories which I've no intention to remember really.

In my twenties, God blessed me with a very good spouse, a gentle loving and patient man. Together we build a Christian home and have 2 sons. Through the early years of building a family, I've had to deal with various baggages and issues in my heart and God dealt with them one by one. I tried not to repeat the mistakes of my mum, but I did nevertheless because of my temper (which I have no idea whether it was a natural trait or a learned one). But I beseech God to change me and He did, I have my temper under control after 7 years of conscious struggle. I love my sons and brought them up to the best of my knowledge and in prayers. The Bible teaches to bring up a child in God's ways and when he is grown he will not depart from it. I believed and claimed this.

Although I've tried my best, being human, I know I have not been a perfect mum. But I love my children and there's no shadow of doubts about it. My spouse and I lived our lives with our children as our main concern. Much of my adult life was spent nurturing them and their needs and I've no energy left to build a career. I took on ad-hoc temporal part-time jobs now and then to fit them into my family schedules.

Thanks be to God that our sons grow up to be balanced individuals, having a healthy sense of self-esteem and confidence, excelling in their studies (having better academic results then their parents) and to top it all, they're faithful followers of Christ. I am so proud of them, not being prideful but being glad and relieved!

Into my 50s, I felt God's calling to witness to my colleagues who are foreigners and heeded God's call. I left my comfort zone, humbled myself and poured myself as sacrificial libation upon the altar in order to reach out to these unsaved souls, souls whom God loves and whom Christ died for. Out of 3 people, 2 were saved, thanks be to God. While serving those 2, I was often hurt in the process. Serving God is entering into the battlefield and we can be hurt in the process. I'm not perfect and I find myself grumbling at times, I wish I hadn't but I did. However, despite my failings in this, I have no regrets for the trouble taken to present them to Christ.

While I was happy and contented with my life so far, something bad happened and caused me much pain...

What pain me most now is that after my diligent and whole-hearted service to God, satan has infiltrated into our family and attacked one of our family members, causing serious doubts and unbelief in him. As a family, we could only advise that member to hold on to what's remnant of faith he has left with and not give up fighting for his faith. I've beseiged God to rescue this family member and entrust his soul to a faithful Creator. However he has his freewill and if he finally choose to undertake this prodigal journey and squander away his spiritual inheritance, I pray that like the prodigal son, he will still wake up to his senses and have the spiritual discernment to humbly return to his Heavenly Father one day. Somehow, deep inside me, I feel or I hope that like Job, God allows this prodigal trip to happen only because after he is tested, he will return stronger to guide others in the same dilemma; living your own life or submitting to a loving omni-potent, omni-science, omni-present God who knows us personally. I hope and I pine for this outcome.

This recent incident has awaken me to these truths:

1. That we must always guard our hearts for out of it flows the issues of life; LIFE - the physical and eternal!
2. That even as we minister to others and have God's stamp of approval and blessings in our ministries, we must always keep watch over our own family because the devil will try to distract us.
3. That we should never take our faith for granted, we have to be serious with God. Don't try to be a Christian, live as one!
4. That none of us is ever strong enough to stand on our own, we need God's people and there is nothing wrong with that. A baby needs his parents, a man his spouse and we all grow up in families, so it is in our spiritual lives, we need God's family.
5. That we need to choose our friends wisely. You can have unbelieving friends, but be careful of developing strong binding relationships with those who'll draw you away.
6. New experiences and knowledge are fine but as the Bible admonishes, we should always be alert to the wiles of the devil for he can confuse God's children with puff-up knowledge that brings confusion, dissension instead of peace.

At the end of the day, we have to decide whom to follow? Choose this day your 'god', is it God, Jehovah Jireh our Provider, or the world? It does not matter how we begin with God, it matters how we end. Life is a sum of all choices.

Despite the pain and sadness I'm experiencing now, I will not give up ministering to others whenever I'm in the position to do so. I will not be intimidated because God will win finally. God is sovereign. I shall continue to trust God for His goodness and mercy, and my family, yes my family, each and everyone in my family shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever!

God who had rescued me when I was sold away in infancy, God who had safe-guarded me during those unhappy days in my dysfunctional foster home, God who gave me a wonderful spouse, who blessed us with two lovely sons, this God will not fail me now or in the future, He will keep us in Him for eternity. In tears I plead...

A Life Turned Upside Down

The following is an exerpt from:
Upside Down
January 27, 2011 — by Joe Stowell
Read: Matthew 5:38-48 (NIV)

If you were to ask me who I am, I’d tell you that I’m a follower of Jesus. But I have to admit, at times following Him is a real challenge. He tells me to do things like rejoice when I’m persecuted (Matt. 5:11-12); to turn the other cheek (vv.38-39); to give to someone who wants to take from me (vv.40-42); to love my enemies, bless those who curse me, and do good to those who hate me (vv.43-44).

This kind of lifestyle seems very upside down to me.

But I’ve come to realize that He’s not upside down—I am. We have all been born fallen and broken. Being twisted by sin, our first instincts are often wrong, which inevitably leaves a big mess.

We’re like toast slathered with jelly that has fallen upside down on the kitchen floor. Left to ourselves, we can make a pretty big mess of things. Then Jesus comes along, like a divine spatula, scrapes us off the floor of our sinful ways, and turns us right side up. And as we follow His right-side-up ways, we discover that turning the other cheek keeps us from getting caught in a brawl, that it is more blessed to give than to receive, and that dying to self is life at its best.

After all, His ways are not our ways (Isa. 55:8), and I’ve come to realize that His ways are always best!

Isa 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
Isa 55:9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

My thoughts: As Christians we will come across times when our faith is seriously challenged. My ways or the Lord's? The Christian life is indeed a life turned upside down because many of the things required of us seem to contradict human nature. Yet God meant them to protect us. He can see our future, He knows beyond the physical. May the grace of God keep all of us and not let any single one be snatched away. He has paid the price for our sins, may we stick with Him even when we can't understand. What is seen will pass away, what is unseen endures. Oh God, I plead for your mercy.

Your Life Is What You Choose

"Life is the sum of all choices."

This strong message was preached on the first Sunday this year. The pastor said, "It matters how you end (your life)!"

I was stunt! I expected him to preach on the importance of having a good start for the new year, on the importance of planning etc. But he talked about the end instead of the beginning! And I'm so glad he did!

Believers come from all walks of life, some are more blessed than others and some have harder lives, but it doesn't really matter how you begin your journey in life and in your faith, it MATTERS MORE how you end it! What's the point of begining faithfully to find yourself totally sold off to the world and compromising whatever you've learnt from Jesus in your last days?

As we journey through life, when we come to the cross-roads, what do we choose? The way that point to the Promised Land, or the way that points to the Good-Enough Land?

Every step of the way counts, one wrong turn can bring countless miseries. God's commands are not meant to stifle us, they are given to protect us from hurts and destructions.

Give careful thoughts to your choices, especially on those significant milestones in life. How will the sum of your life adds up finally? I sincerely hope that it'll be a pretty picture and one that gives glory to your Creator and Saviour. God bless you. :)

Introducing Zoei Toh

Little Zoei sings in tune! She's an inspiration to many parents wanting to raise their kids in the Lord's ways...

Just a Game

How many faces can you see? They say that most people can only see a few, the more sensitive ones can identify 9 to 10, if you can see 12 and above, you're schizophrenic! They say that this picture actually has 11 faces...

Drifting

Still drifting, not quite knowing what to do next...

Repeating daily routines, preparing for the new year ahead, and thinking of those I'd once walked so closely with. Wondering about their well being, praying for them. I miss them but they must learn to be independent without me holding their hands.

I'm already exploring different future options for myself, even slowly venturing into a totally new area for the fun of it... Yet there is a void and emptiness inside, almost a pain that doesn't quite go away...

Period of Rest

"This seems to be a situation where your season in this place has come to an end... there is a change of seasons when plants and trees prepare for winter by shedding their leaves in the fall. It is as if they go into a prolonged period of rest, undisturbed by the harshness of winter". These precious words of advice came from MTJ, my fellow blogger cum brother-in-Christ.

Yes, my season in my present self-chosen place of market-place ministry has come to an end. This is not the end of me serving God, but a siesta, a much needed break, like a tree preparing for change by first going into a period of rest, the best part is "undisturbed by the harshness of winter".

I've a certain winter melancholy attached to entering this season of rest, having to let go of my charges halfway. It seems halfway to me because they are still so immature in Christ, and yet I've to let go because I've finally come to realize that my time in their lives is almost up.

Looking back, I know that I've done my best, but with hindsight, wouldn't do some of the things I'd done. Yet, there is no such a thing as time travel, no benefit of hindsight, which means even if God has allowed me to return to the past to start all over again, I being me, would have made exactly the same mistakes because I wouldn't recognize them as such. But the greatest comfort I have here is that my God is so powerful and creative that He can and will make ALL things work together for good! In this, I rest my soul.

Through it all, I've learnt that it is necessary for ALL believers to come out of their comfort zones to serve God. We have to go into the battlefield. Christ has loved us to death, and we have to love Him enough to leave our comfort zones. We've read the Bible, God's Word talks of taking up the cross, denying yourself, being a living sacrifice and so on. I've to admit that such 'talks' are a turn-off, especially to new believers. We gravitate towards the love, joy and peace parts. But at some points in our lives, believers will come to a place where you'll crave for a higher purpose, a sense of significance, about making your life counts, for God and for His kingdom.

For me, it wasn't about the crowns, jewels or mansions that attract me, but the gratitude to God when one day He suddenly spoke, "I've allowed you to do what you want with yourself all along, now how about doing something for Me for the rest of your life?" That's true, I've had my fair share of dreams-chasing, money-chasing etc. the offer from God was attractive, to do something of significance, something that'll last eternally... thus my entry into market-place ministry, with the focus NOT on earning an income, BUT on introducing lost souls to Christ.

Something became obvious right from the beginning of my ministry, that it is going to COST! It'll cost my time, effort, money, labour and the sacrifices extend to being misunderstood and persecutions sometimes from the very ones you've learnt to love and serve. It was a bitter-sweet experience, watching people you've laboured over turn to Christ, and being disappointed with them over their growth. Then I learnt that I was impatient, again MTJ said, "Jesus reminds us in the parable of the tares that there is no need to pull them up before the harvesting occurs. That is our tendency; removing what we believe is unnecessary" which was MY PROBLEM, being too impatient with their spiritual growth, adding unnecessary pressures on them, and causing conflicts.

My conclusion from this episode is this, that though spiritual warfares abound, the show must go on, the ministry must continue. For my ministry with these two young persons, I've prayed to God that, "Jeremiah's time is up Lord, please send Elisha". For me, maybe He won't fetch me home in a fiery chariot yet (I'm so tired and burnt-out that I really don't mind though), but I shall rest, wait and watch, the labourers are few, and God will soon enlist me into service again.

Let me end yet with another advice from MTJ, "John the Baptist said of Jesus, "He must increase, I must decrease." We must learn to trust God with others, He will do what we cannot and should not".

Being human, which God allows :) :) , I am grieving over leaving my charges because they have become so dear to me... and to leave them now, the pain is almost unbearable... The pain is borne out of the knowledge that they are not my own children whom I'll always have, and can always watch over. They are instead, people whose destiny I'll have no control, and if they should be tossed to and fro in their own worlds of choice and circumstances after they return home (they are foreigners), they would be beyond me to help and guide..................... I know this is where faith plays its part, that I can do nothing but entrusts them to their faithful Creator.

Faith & Fear

A right view of God leads to faith. A wrong view of God leads to fear.

This was sent to me via email, written by someone by the name of Joe Stowell:

Twice Abraham succumbed to the fear that the rulers of other nations would kill him and steal his wife. So he deceived the kings and said that she was his sister, in essence welcoming them to take her into their harems. By letting fear dictate his actions, he put at great risk God’s promise and plan that through Abraham and Sarah a great nation would be born from whom Jesus the redeemer would ultimately come (Genesis 12:1-3; 15:4-5).

Not Abraham’s proudest moments—but thankfully, God intervened. In Genesis 20 we learn that “God came to Abimelech in a dream one night and said to him, ‘You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman’” (v.3). Suddenly the tables of fear were turned, as Abimelech and all his officials “were very much afraid” (v.8)! When they confronted Abraham, he replied, “I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife’” (v.11). He had let fear get the best of him.

But before you come down too hard on Abraham, it might be good to ask: For fear of losing your job, would you put your integrity at risk? For fear of appearing old-fashioned, would you put righteousness at risk? For fear of being ridiculed or misunderstood, would you neglect sharing the gospel and put someone’s eternity at risk?

If you’ve ever felt the intimidation of fear, then be assured that only one thing will conquer your fears: tenacious faith in God—in His presence, His protection, His power, His promises. Remember, God is bigger than your biggest fear!

And here’s the good news: Abraham is actually known for his legacy as a man of faith. In fact, the “Hall of Faith” chapter gives Abraham a lot of good press (Hebrews 11:8-19)! Thankfully he wasn’t marked forever by his flaw.

Maybe it’s not fear in your life but another “fatal flaw” that consistently puts God’s will and plans for you at risk. But remember, your flaw doesn’t have to be fatal! Have faith in the fact that He will never ask you to do anything that He can’t bring to completion, even if it requires miraculous intervention on His part. Live in such a way that you can be counted among those who “were still living by faith when they died” (Hebrews 11:13)—even if things aren’t going the way you thought they would. And when your faith trumps your fear, He’ll turn your sweaty palms into raised hands of worship and praise!

I'm troubled with many things nowadays, and I sense that I'm fearing something, fearing that my flaws will damage the faith of those I've brought to Christ. As a result, I'm feeling so constrained as to what I can do. I'm quite burnt-out actually and would really like a sabbatical leave so to speak. My ministry is not an official one conferred by my Church. It's just my personal market-place ministry. But because of events that keep over-taking me and the people I'm ministering to, we're all quite burnt-out. Many a time I would really like to step out, and step away for a while, but it's this nagging worry of "What if I leave (my sales job) and they turn away from Christ?"

I need the calming presence of God. I need faith in HIm. God is bigger than my worries, fears and anxieties, and He shall sustain us, and bring His plans into completion.

The Place of Ministry

God's counsel came to me when I read the following email from a friend, those words which I've highlighted in blue speak volume to me and I hope this message will bless and instruct you too:

The Place of Ministry
By Oswald Chambers

He said to them, ’This kind [of unclean spirit] can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting’ Mark 9:29

His disciples asked Him privately, 'Why could we not cast it out?’ ” (Mark 9:28). The answer lies in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. “This kind can come out by nothing but” concentrating on Him, and then doubling and redoubling that concentration on Him.

We can remain powerless forever, as the disciples were in this situation, by trying to do God’s work without concentrating on His power, and by following instead the ideas that we draw from our own nature. We actually slander and dishonor God by our very eagerness to serve Him without knowing Him.

When you are brought face to face with a difficult situation and nothing happens externally, you can still know that freedom and release will be given because of your continued concentration on Jesus Christ. Your duty in service and ministry is to see that there is nothing between Jesus and yourself. Is there anything between you and Jesus even now? If there is, you must get through it, not by ignoring it as an irritation, or by going up and over it, but by facing it and getting through it into the presence of Jesus Christ. Then that very problem itself, and all that you have been through in connection with it, will glorify Jesus Christ in a way that you will never know until you see Him face to face.

Miracle!

This is a powerful testimony that if we are willing to stand at the frontline in battlefield with God, He will work miracles! See how God used a Cardiologist to raise a dead man alive!

Dr. Chauncey Crandall's Rx: Medicine and Jesus - CBN TV - Video