Mouths Talking

Either way you loose, so to speak. Just a quick sharing here. You will see what I mean BUT I'm not defeated.

Still musing over yesterday's uncalled for comment from my colleague that I'm "unfit" for the job, this thought came into my mind this morning, "Either way, you loose". That is no matter how you're performing in your job, you will not be able to shut the mouths of people who just like to pass comment on you.

I've been working hard at my job and honestly, I've always been over-delivering in all my previous places of employment, in terms of the quality and quantity of work. All my supervisors will attest to this fact. I've my fair share of compliments about my job attitude and performance. So when some colleagues who are working in the same field but in different centers enquire about the things I've been doing in my center, I share with them, thinking that we're mutually exchanging useful info that will enhance each other's work, and for mutual support and edification, especially when such sharing is among Christians. But what I get back from some of them is this, "You're working too hard, doing too much, you've spoilt the market for us!" They feel intimidated that I've over-shadowed them. BUT that isn't my intention, I just simply apply myself fully to my job, I want to do well, to answer to myself, using my God-given abilities to do a job well that would well testify to the faith I hold. I've never aim to show anyone down, I only worry that I'm not doing well enough.

So there, when I do well, they talk, when I fall and grumble about the difficulties in my job, they talk, either way, I can't win... so to speak.

After a cup of coffee, suddenly I wise up this morning, so be it. It's my choice! I will continue to give my best to my job, and complain less (can't say for sure that I can internalise all nonsense without a sound).

So that's it. Life continues. :) Thanks for listening.

Give Me A Break

I want to shout, "Give me a break!" It was a tough week that had passed. My employer almost lengthen my work hours but I stood up to her. She wasn't mean to me, it was just that she had forgotten how much extra work and time I'd put into the job for her. And then the area she had alotted to me... how do you give 'focused language assistance' to a group of attention-deficit children in a public area?

Let me see how it goes, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me besides still waters, He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake ... " Ah, how I badly need this, lying down in green pastures, without a care in the world, walking besides still waters, ah the serenity, having my soul, my whole being from top to toe restored, being able to sleep like a log, nope, a pig rather (cos a pig breathes, a log doesn't), EVERY night. Yes, even walking in paths of righteousness, yes for His name's sake means something to me. I've tried to walk right, I tried.

I'd made bad mistakes at earlier work places and promised myself to learn from them. I would not repeat them and I really worked hard at NOT repeating them. But there are some innate tendencies within me that I would eventually respond in a certain way to certain triggers. Like when the boss tried to extend my already 'extended' work hours. I almost blasted out, but under control and I walked away quickly lest it would turn really ugly. She relented and realized my difficulties. Two awkward days' passed by and we seemed to be getting along well. She even acceded to my request to use another place to do my work when the noise level gets too high.

Seemed like everything was back to normal, but sometimes troubles just come looking for you. I trusted someone at my work place and thought I've found a new friend. I related my earlier unhappiness to her and regretted it. I should have heeded what God's Word says about grumbling. This might have given her the impression that I couldn't take the work pressure. So what happened today... I was just sharing with her that it was tough managing the behaviours of some kids. To my utter surprise, she said the most nasty thing to me! She said, "If you can't take this (children's misbehaviours), you're not fit to do this (my job)." 'NOT FIT'? These were strong words! She realized her slip of the tongue and tried to turn the situation around by saying something, but my mind just... I was just fuming beneath my breath. I told her that I was merely sharing the problems I face at work, and that if I can't take this, I would have quit. I could see her bewilderment, knowing she'd offended me.

Later part of the day I recited to myself as I returned to teach my third class. As I walked in, I recalled, "Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger..." "He who overlooks an offence seeks love." Argh. I completed my lesson, spoke briefly with her as is my usual custom and left.

My spouse complimented me for learning how to re-establish a work relationship. But the truth is I'm still dealing with the hurt! Well, I think she didn't mean what she said, she could have meant it as a counsel, but it didn't come out right! Goodness, am I being overly sensitive or do I have a reason to be thus? My decision? Yes, I decide to overlook the offence, it was a slip of the tongue, I blunder many times thus too... Sigh, now where is that green patch of grass? I need to lie down...

Inadequacy

Today is my second last training session in a course which will qualify me for my present job as a Resource Teacher in a pre-school. As I sat there listening to the Trainer telling us how to do our job better, I felt insecure, anxious and inadequate.

Some people think that I've been doing a good job. But I've been under-performing this year due to personal matters and ill health (nothing serious but constant infections). What I've heard throughout the training sessions just made me feel like I have not been doing my job right! I feel tired just thinking about the changes I've to make when the school term re-opens, not to say doing them. Although some colleagues may share my sentiments, they are certainly looking confident and able, which further intimidates me!

Whenever I'm caught in self-doubt, I'm tempted to just quit and walk away, but I don't think this is right. I've come such a long way in this path. Why look for something new and start all over again? A couple of my friends have been in this kind of dilemma for years, looking for the right job, finding it hard, quitting and looking for the 'right' job over and over again. It never ends.

I am very tired, not being able to fully recover from my infection. I have so much to learn and remember, assessment papers to deliver, reports and portfolios to put up and changes to implement. All these stuff literally take the joy out of my job and sometimes make me feel like a fake, that whatever I'm doing for the children are for purpose of putting up a show so that I'll get to keep my job.

But I know that God gave me this job, He answered my prayer and gave me THIS job. I am talking to myself now: I must try, must not give up. I can't meet all their requirements but I will try, step by step, day by day and if they keep me, year by year.

I need to cool down and realistically assess how much changes I can cope with and prayerfully do it with God's grace. Only may my health prevails.

God's power is at work in all our circumstances and when we're weak, His strength will manifest in us.

Drifting

Still drifting, not quite knowing what to do next...

Repeating daily routines, preparing for the new year ahead, and thinking of those I'd once walked so closely with. Wondering about their well being, praying for them. I miss them but they must learn to be independent without me holding their hands.

I'm already exploring different future options for myself, even slowly venturing into a totally new area for the fun of it... Yet there is a void and emptiness inside, almost a pain that doesn't quite go away...

Inspiration Surpasses Knowledge

Which is more important? Inspiration or knowledge?

I would go for the former. After the release from her former sales team, I saw how my young colleague gave her best to her work. While she had not been able to really sell on her own in the past, she started making sales even for products which are challenging to sell, and she did it without any sample copy to show her customers, she just rattled off and sold! I don't think anyone in my company has done this.

But an unfortunate incident happened after her success. In the very first training given by her new manager, and after watching her mock presentation for that particular product, how she sold without showing any sample, her new manager said, "You've no product knowledge and your customers bought because they are easy customers who agree to everything you've said, you won't be able to sell if you continue like this, I want you to learn ...."

My heart sank a few inches lower than where it should be when I heard this comment. God knows how much time and labour I've put into this young lady to build up her confidence, and her new manager just shot it down within seconds!

My new colleague hasn't been selling lately because it's the Chinese New Year season and very few families would entertain salesmen. But if there's any traces of doubt in my younger colleague's mind after that training session, I plead with God, "Oh please God, D'ONT let history repeats itself, please help her to continue in the success you've given her!"

Her recent success was due largely to a sense of liberation and inspiration after getting out of her former stifling team. I disagreed vehemently to what her new manager said of her. She may need to improve herself in product knowledge, but certainly, without a shadow of doubt, she HAS the aptitude to sell and she WILL succeed!

May the Lord preserve her faith and confidence! No careless words spoken against her shall prevail against the work that the Lord has begun in her!

Tired

This is a confession, I'm tired trying to do God's will, or what I perceive as God's will. I did what I thought He has led me to do, but time and again, when it seems when the time for harvesting is near, that I realize it's no way at all near! What has happened to all the seeds I've scattered? My time, sweat, labour and tears?

There's a Chinese saying, that says my good works have gone to the dogs, and you've not appreciated the things I've done for you! I shouldn't be whining, I know. I've no right to whine because you've not asked for my help, but I've initiated it. You're human and you fail my expectation, but I'm human too, and I fail MY own expectation. Sheesh...

Well, I acknowledge, I'm just plain impatient. God has indeed roped me in in His good works for men, and at the same time, my God is molding me along the way. I still feel like a child, His child in the molding and I'm glad He bothers with me...

Ah, I'm running out of fuel, spiritual and emotional fuel, even my physical strength is failing, and my back hurts! I may have wandered away from God's leading and did things my ways and in my own limited strength. What shall I do next?

I shall rest in God, slow down, pray, be quiet as a child in her mum's bosom, step back a little, and see if God will show His next move for me... I'm always so full of actions that I may just rush in to work out all my plans, but really, for now, I'm thinking, I should just mind my own business, no, not that I shouldn't care anymore, but I've done all I could to help this person out that I know not what else to do. I shall leave her for a while, nurture my own spiritual walk with God again, and sharpen my skills at my job and contribute to my company's sales. I commit her into God's hands.

As best as I remember, the Bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and rely not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall make straight your path."

I'm so tired, God please quiet me down.

Love Before Righting Wrongs

Ah, this title reflects my sentiments indeed! We have a tendency to reprimand people for their mistakes rather than to be gracious and forgiving.

I witnessed this at work two days' back when both my colleagues were doing a sales presentation together. The senior colleague was the main presenter while the junior colleague was to entertain the children and keep them occupied so that their mother could have a peace of mind to listen to the presentation. However, the junior colleague absent-mindedly let one of the kids ran off unknowingly, thus distracting the parent who went looking for her child instead. The presentation stopped and she was angrily ticked off by her senior.

It happened again yesterday while she partnered me, again the kid ran off without her knowledge and I asked her to go after him. Thank God that I didn't loose my head, and thank God that I wasn't at all angry because it is scientifically proven that children run faster than you can follow, they kinda possess super power, it takes just a second for them to disappear into thin air, puff... and they're gone, kids will be kids.

May I emphasize here that I'm not blowing my trumpet. I could have reacted the same way my colleague did but I didn't because God has placed a love in my heart for this younger colleague and has specifically told me to take care of her.

"Love before righting wrongs" Love is patient and kind, love forgives, and love does wonders, in us and in others. I pray that God will always help me place love above anything else, above lost sales and lost income. (For the record, I've not lost that sale yet, I've yet to follow up on the parent)

Who would you listen to, look up to, who would you follow and learn from? The one who chew you up or the one who let you off when you make a mistake? I've tasted time and again God's forgiveness, Jesus' compassion and the Holy Spirit's solace, may I extend the mercy I receive from God to those whom He loves through me.

Forgive me if I should fall and fail you in the future Lord, but please help me not to hurt those whom you love through me that your work in them be not undone through my mistakes ...

Awfully Weak

Dear Heavenly Father,

I feel awfully weak, awfully small, awfully unskilled, and exceedingly challenged to do the simple tasks you have laid before me that I want to cry.

I want to cry because I feel awfully incapable of doing the good works you've prepared for me to do. Yes, you've promised that your grace is sufficient for me, yet I feel so alone, so inadequate.

I'm surrounded by so great a witnesses, so many unbelievers with so much differences. Your Spirit has shed your love in me and through me for them, but I feel totally floored by the enormity and the accountability of the responsibility.

What if I say the wrong things to them? What if I fall before them? What if ... And what if I should fail in your mission?

Send me help Lord, I need someone to work alongside me and I'll do my best to do your Will. Send me help Lord, willing heart and willing hands. I also need the encouragement to continue.

I'm indeed small Lord, what the heck can I really do for you here? But you've your purpose. Now please calm me down, empower me just to do what I can do, and leave the rest to you. I can't work with such anxieties. Show me how to do what you've purposed for me to do, and how to trust in you.

So with my two fishes and 5 loaves of bread, I offer up my services to you, I offer my imperfect life and faith to you, Lord, use them for your glory, thy will be done.

Pray Lord, strengthen my faith and determination, increase yourself in my life that your purpose be achieved. Thank you for this life you've given me Lord, this journey you have led me thus far. I only pray Lord, that I can achieved something worthy for you before you call me home, I don't like to waste anything, particularly my life Lord.

This is all I could pray, and much more is there unspoken for I know not what and how to pray. Even my prayer is imperfect. Thank you Lord that you can do exceedingly abundantly in all that I ask for. So I commit all that I think and do into your hands, guide me and lead me, especially when I'm confused whether I'm doing the right thing or heading in the right direction. Guide me Lord.

In Jesus name I pray.

Amen.

Be Nice!

Someone left this comment on Andrea's recent post Isn't this awesome? The topic discusses on how we should be nice towards others etc, and someone posts this comment, " I am going to be the bitter one in this. I love people to be nice to me, and I try hard to be, but if we are talking retailers that is their job!"

Well, I've been a sales person the third time round and I'm still mulling over this; how far should we go to be 'nice' to make a sale? Is the customer always right? How far are we to bent over backwards just to make a sale? Is being nice a professional trait or just a sales tactic? Can a sales person be just as honest and sincere as say, a teacher or a doctor? Do we have feelings?

The humiliation sales folks have to take day in and day out are beyond words. (Once I met someone by appointment and we spoke for about 45 minutes before he even bothered to look at me.) And some sales people just W'ONT TAKE IT! You can keep your money and I keep my pride, cos I won't starve if you don't buy!

For me, I'm sticking on to this job for awhile because it's great character training, cos I feel I've been so blessed all my life and come what 'sh**' in my job, I'll learn to take it. I want to see how far I can go and how much I can endure.

All In A Night's Work

The past week went by without a single sale. It's not a complaint, just a fact. It's just a salesperson's plight or, er, job ... Ah, all in a day's work. Or night's work rather. I'll leave the house at about 7.20 p.m. Let's see if the prospect who has promised to meet me tonight will keep his promise??? Let's see if this meeting will result in a sale? Let's see if I'll have the momentum to knock on other doors? I will do it, may the Lord watch over me, no this is not a prayer for physical protection though I know God will protect me anyway, may the Lord watch over me and keep me going, because it's all in a night's work. :)

It Takes More Energy To Fail Than To Succeed?

I was stunned by this statement from Reverent Orsella's blog - http://revorcooper-dailyinspiration.blogspot.com/ (there's something wrong with my blog, can't insert a link, can't post a picture, can't change my font, sheesh ... got no time to fix it).

"It takes more energy to fail than to succeed" ???

Kind of agree with it. Everything consumes energy, even failing. Being afraid takes energy, being reluctant to pursue something takes energy, being in despair takes energy... Rather than to be consumed by something negative, you and I will do better by working on something positive. Rather than to cower in fear, you and I will do better by facing the challenge.

I will throw myself into my job. :) (It is so easy to come up with 100 excuses why I shouldn't work today.)

Overcomer

I've been worrying about two things in my sales career but over the last few days, I overcame them both! My first worry was having to make a presentation in Mandarin (Chinese), and the second was my doubt in my ability to market a particular program.

But thank God for His help that within a week, I did them both! Praise God!

Though I'd sincerely accepted compliments from my colleagues for a big sale done in Mandarin which I wasn't eloquent in, I've ALWAYS believed at the back of my mind that it was God who enabled and God who gave. So I really want to thank my God here that He has shown me the impossible again.

I know many obstacles we're facing are not really obstacles, but they seem pretty hard to overcome initially. We can think of so many 'reasons' not to do well, that sometimes, we almost give up without even trying. But yes, thank God, I needed a boost in my confidence to go out and do it, and after reading the article on 'motivation', I just threw myself into situations that I would normally dread.

Door to door knocking was not my cup of tea in the past, but I just got myself to do it for this job. So recently, I knocked, knocked and knocked somemore. And when they opened the door, I just talked to them, overcoming their resistance, staying put and not moved away quickly. The joy of anticipation came when they lowered their guard and let me in, and most interestingly BOUGHT after an-hour's presentation!

It feels so good to succeed, it's a validation of my skills (which I know contributes to the success cos I work hard training myself), but more importantly, a validation of God's faithfulness.

All glory be to God my provider! Amen.

Motivation

I learn a new definition for 'motivation' today.

According to Dr. Zonnya, a Motivation Trainer, "We are 'motivated' when we make a choice to take action for a result whether we feel like it or not. Motivation is not about 'feeling,' it is simply about 'choosing.' "

Expanding on the part about taking action whether you feel like it or not, she says, "When you make a choice to take action for a results, then how you feel does not enter into the equation. How many times do you do what you do, when you do not feel like it? If you have children, how many times do you get up in the middle of the night to take care of your child when you did not feel like it? Have you ever gone to a business training seminar, but you didn't feel like it? Have you ever persevered in the midst of feeling bad, to do a business presentation or make extra calls?"

Well said but wouldn't the results be less than perfect, or less than good if I'm half-hearted in, say, doing a sale presentation? My prospect can literally sense my lack of enthusiasm and reject my offer.

In sales, the way a sale representative carries himself can affect his prospect by about 30%, and his non-verbal cues would affect by up to 55%. We have to convey the right 'feel'. I appreciate the reminder that 'motivation' is simply 'doing it', but the first thing to do is to deal with our feelings before we actually go out and do it, or else it will be a waste of time.

I said this from experience, cos I'd forced myself out there before, but on days when I really didn't feel like it, it was really a total waste of time. Then again, what I've learnt today would 'motivate' me to 'get motivated' and 'stay motivated'. No one can movtivate me if I don't want to be motivated eh?

Perseverance.

Focused

My mind's so consumed with work that my life has turned boring! Sigh. But I haven't mastered so many skills and I'm bent on improving myself before another thing gets my attention. That's inflexible me. When I'm on to something, I've just got to get it right (or as right as possible) before I can relax. Wonder, when will I get it?

Sidenote - What the heck happens to blogspot? There seems to be so many bugs lately. I can't get my font right for this post!

Expectations

How time flies! I've been busy, but what did I do? Let's see ... hm ...I didn't start selling again right after the last road show ... oh yes, was nursing a cough, then sorting out a work problem with the boss, then preparing a powerpoint for a group presentation ... I'm so tired after creating the 54-slide ppt! Ooooh, my eyes!

At the back of my mind I'm kinda worried about how far I'm lagging behind in sales. One colleague recalls that I sold everyday at the last road show, and she expects me to repeat that feat I think! Boy, that adds on the pressure! But THAT was God's special lesson for me, to seek Him first and He would add all things to me ...

Well, whatever happens, I must not forget that my identity, security and significance are in Christ, whether or not I sell.

On a lighter note, I'd such a fun time with my colleague trying to do up some product videos. I haven't had the experience of laughing till it hurts for a long long time! I hope this job will eventually work out for me cos I really like the working environment, the bosses, the colleagues and the work. :) :) :)

New Venture

Phew! I've finally paid it forward to fellow bloggers by giving out awards and tagging them. Mission accomplished!

Now, for the next few weeks, I'll be busy learning the ropes of a new venture, wish me God's blessings? If you don't hear from me soon enough, be rest assured that I'm alive and kicking around, just caught up in the real world ...

Meanwhile, be good, continue clicking my ads, feed my virtual doggy (you can get a glimpse of it at the right when you scroll down) :)

Wish I'll have exciting things to share with you next time!

A Gracious Exit

Aaargghh ... have lots of stirrings within, wonder how to post this, thoughts are all jumbled up ...

Well, today's my last day of work. Since they have only regarded me as a temporary contract staff, they were taken by surprise when I brought 2 cakes to 'celebrate' my departure. They've expected me to leave quietly. Nah, won't do. If we don't make life interesting for ourselves, who else will do so for us? :)

We've a good time chatting, cracking jokes, exchanging thank-yous and all other niceties. (They're obliged to do so 'cos they're eating my cakes! Haha, just joking ...) ;)

Ah 'tis the art of a gracious exit, a skill I've learnt from a former colleague. Whatever the reason for leaving, never burn bridges. I've honestly and sincerely treated them as friends. It doesn't matter that the time was short. I've enjoyed their different personalities and have indeed learnt life's lessons from interacting with them.

They're very generous towards me too, quickly sneaking off to buy me presents etc. I just can't outgive them!

Last impressions are as impactful as first's. Thank God for a good closure to this chapter of my life. I've exited with pleasant memories. :)

Out Of Job

"Will you be able to convert into full time?"

"Huh? Oh ... no, I'm afraid not ..."

"Then I'm sorry to inform you that we can't continue to employ you."

"Oh ... er ... all right ..."

Somewhat surprised, "Are you sure?"

"Yes", somewhat speechless, "Yes, I understand."

I dont know what else to say. I've kinda of seen this coming as they don't seem to know how to utilize my services, and I think they worry too much.

I've signed a one-year contract to work part-time in a school, you see. They've registered my existence with the Government Ministry, placed my photo in their annual report, pasted it up in their notice board and did all other necessary official stuff to establish my station with them. Yet a few months into the job, they suddenly decide without prior warning that I should convert into a full-timer.

I thank God that He has given me the privilege to choose my lifestyle and for reasons peculiar to my family, I am not prepared to do full-time.

Flashback to my interview with them five months' back ...

"We are looking for some stability, someone who'll stay for at least a year."

"Yes, it's ok with me."

Another flashback to my first month of service there ...

"You're hired for 4 hours a day and we'll not let you work for more than 4 hours, cos' it's not fair to you, you've other commitments."

So what's happening now? They decide it is only fair that I work 8 hours because their needs have changed.

Well, in my quiet moments, conflicting thoughts race through my mind ... On the one hand, I understand their decision to stream line their work, but on the other hand, they've got my commitment to stay a year, but ... Am I too naive to keep promises? Have I misplaced my integrity? Going forward, how shall I regard my next contract job? What shall my future work attitude be like? Anyway, it's pointless to analyze the situation now ... Let it be, it's time to move on.

It is not without misgivings that I'm letting it go though ... Shucks, I've lost my small but steady source of monthly income. Had I known that my stint there is so short, I would have viewed and done things very differently. And, sigh, the usual mistakes that I often made in life are repeated here, sheesh ... But I'm determined to do better, 'cos God is not finished with me yet!

Something I've never regretted though is that I've worked diligently in ALL tasks assigned to me! Yeah! This trait, however, seems to have gone unnoticed ... but God, you saw, right?

I now realized that the contract worker is worth very little to the employer. One minute, you're hired, the very next minute, you're fired. This is a very surreal experience to me.

There's this strange feeling of relief, "Yes! I am free to do something new again!"

Then, there's this anxiety too, it's difficult to find a job, be it full or part-time in this employment climate, what am I to do next?

I don't know ...
Hire me, anyone?

Disappointment

Well, I'm not sad, but a tad disappointed.

You see I tried to be a friend to this person, who's always unhappy and troubled. She opens up very easily, pouring out her woes and pain that you could do nothing but empathize with her. Yet very so often when life goes on, and her burden's too much to bear, she'll take the liberty to unleash her unhappiness at people around her. Fortunately or unfortunately, she is always excused by all the kind people around her because they understand her condition, and try consistently to overlook her tantrums.

She has many great attributes in her character but seems to be always seeing her cup half empty in circumstances and view herself as a victim without control. It should suffice if she wants to sulk, but to leverage on her sickness and expect others to tip toe around her is just too much for me to bear. I don't hate her, but I just can't tolerate this childishness.

You'll never know when she'll raise her voice or when she'll get angry over what. Meaning in conversations get misconstrued and actions get misinterpreted very easily with her. Very often I see her getting angry and I don't see why she needs to get upset.

So what am I supposed to do, having to see her almost everyday? I'll just take it a day at a time, and avoid too much contact with her cos it's too stressful. Confession - I lack patience ...

As a mother, I wouldn't pander to my children's misbehaviours because I'll spoil them. Similarly, I don't think it's good and right for me to pander to this person's ways too. It's time for her to learn that others, like her, have their own problems and sensitivities. She isn't the only one who can get hurt. For anyone that matters, a line should be drawn if she over-steps her boundary.

So what now?

So things are a little strained as they are. Don't get me wrong. I don't intend to battle with her and make an enemy out of her. Weirdly, I sincerely want to be her friend. (Perhaps I see a little of my troubled self and past in her) If opportunity arises, I still look forward to assist her in her tasks. Otherwise, I would like to keep to myself and not touch this mimosa.

Then again, shouldn't I let God loves her through me? Ah ... torn by conflicting thoughts. I really wish to help. Want to be a friend. I do like her and appreciate things about her. Yet it's tiring having to be so watchful over what I say and do all the time.

Shrug ... that's the best I can do for now. Unless the Lord points His finger at me and zaps me from heaven this instant, soaking me from head to toe with His boundless love, I know not what else to do for self-preservation.

I REALLY don't mind to be thus zapped by God though! :) How wonderful it would be, to be zapped by Him and then be able to love instantly! Ha!

ZAPPED!! Ouch! Then looove oozes out ... Halo hovering above head ... :) (Hm, may be He's zapping real slowly, zzzzzap, then I go ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, then years later, I'll be able to love more easily ... sheesh)

Humbly acknowledging, I'm AM a cracked pot, but still in my Father's service.

Father God, I have failed you and I am so sorry, please help me to do better.

Communication, Mis-Communication

She walked in, head held high and instructed impassively without a smile, "I've ordered pizza, when it comes, call me!"

I was busy completing an assignment for my reporting officer when I looked at up this staff from another department. I reacted instinctively in an annoying way, "Who are you?!" (Well, I was rather displeased, you didn't greet me, didn't bother to find out my name, you'd obviously made a request, but didn't say 'please', and you expected me to know who you are like you are some big shot, and goodness, you ordered me like I'm your subordinate!)

She was a little taken aback by my frankness and told me her name and phone extension number. I simply responded that I wouldn't be around to wait for her pizza after 12.30 pm. She took note and left.

As I continued my work, I couldn't help but simmered inside, "Why should I be bothered with your lunch? Shouldn't you just wait here for your pizza? I've better things to do then to attend to your pizza! At least have the courtesy to order an extra one for me then may be I won't be so angry, sheesh, what attitude is this ..." My mind wouldn't shut up!

Ah, I discovered later that the pizza was ordered for an official function and not for personal consumption, and she wasn't too happy to be mistakened, yet these bad vibes could have been avoided if she has had the common sense to be polite in her initial request.

IF she had said something like this, "Hi, you are new here, may I know your name? Oh, hi Jane, I'm so-and-so, hey Jane, I've ordered pizza for an event, when the pizza arrives, could you please give me a tinkle? (smile, smile) Well, thanks". IF she had requested thus, I wouldn't have been so worked up.

On the other hand, I concede, I should have been more proactive to avoid a misunderstanding. I should have found out more details from her instead of allowing myself to react instantly. It takes two hands to clap, be it creating a problem or avoiding one.

Ya, 'tis a lesson I'm still learning - be slow to anger. Sigh ...