Progress Report

Hm, this new job SEEMS harder than I thought, but I am livelier. I've a plan and a goal. But then when the going gets tough, I actually thought of going, "Three months I'll give myself and if I can't do it, I'll quit and find something else!!!" Then I thought again, if I have this mindset, I would never succeed because I would have left a back door opened! Ok, I decided to shut it.

SLAM!

I was deadbeat today as I'd insomnia and slept only 2 hours last night because of a thoughtless (loud) remark from my upline. I faced up to him today and told him I didn't appreciate his comment, about how we would have to work alongside for a long time henceforth, and that we should clear all airs blah..blah..blah. He listened and accepted my ventilation patiently. Good for him. ;) Actually good for me. ;p

Guess what, I made my first sale today! "Broke the ice" like they say. My two uplines congratulated me. It was only a small deal, but thank God I broke my ice within the first month! That means a lot to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you God. :)

Regeneration

In response to my last posting, Neen has commented,

"Jane, because I've met too many "Christians" like the one you've mentioned, I avoid them. But there ARE those who set an example of Christian love and living. My best friend, YOU. I feel peaceful when I read your true love and spirit of Christ.*HUG*"

I thank Neen for her kindness and friendship. Being addressed as a "best friend" makes my day. Thank you Neen. :)

However, I can't bask in this compliment. Why? Because I'm too modest? No ... Simply because I know I don't fit the bill. I've a temper and I am the type who can shoot off my mouth without thinking. I've my 'fair' share of experiences hurting people. Why? Because I'm imperfect. Why are Christians like this? Let me throw some light on this ...

Who are the Christians? People who are kind, good and gentle? Well, we're supposed to be like this isn't it? We're supposed to resemble our Saviour, Jesus Christ who is meek and gentle. But fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and pre-believers have to understand this, that while Christ IS perfect, we are NOT.

So the question remains, who are we? We're sinners (just like anybody else, but) SAVED by grace, God's grace. Anyone can receive God's grace through faith. So, we're just a category of people who recognize our sinful state and are willing to receive the righteousness ascribed to us through Christ.

When we say the sinner's prayer, we receive Christ as our personal Lord and Saviour. That's salvation. We have been sanctified by the blood of Christ! We have His righteousness ascribed to us, not through our own doing, because we can't. And that is just the beginning! We still look the same, behave the same and think the same most of the time. The next stage is regeneration, which is when God takes our entire lifetime to mould us. Those who are more obedient grow faster, but some just grow old and never grow up. The last stage is glorification and this is the time when we reach the end of our life's journey and we see Jesus face to face. This is the time when He will complete our salvation and make us like Him.

In my pilgrimage, I've fallen several times and have many regrets in my life. That's why I've posted the Christian's experience as a cracked pot and an incomplete building earlier.

The brother I wrote about has a painful childhood, so that could have affected his present state. He is often defensive, but perhaps that's due to him having to fend for himself growing up without a father ... I don't know.

As for me, I was given away twice in my first year of infancy. I was brought up in a dysfuntional foster home. My foster mum was physically and emotionally abused as a child. In turn, she abused me emotionally for many years though she did so unintentionally some of the time. I'd cried myself to sleep so many nights. All my pillows were tear-stained. After becoming a Christian in my adolescence, I was still curt and hurting for many many years before I could better control my temper. I thank God for His faithfulness and mercy, bearing with me all these years.

I am still a house under construction. I am now wise enough to know that I can never be too old to learn, and should NEVER stop learning. When I know I've a wrong attitude and I just can't change it, I would pray to God to help me be willing to be changed. Because I'm not a gracious person by nature, God always have to take months to get through to me, but eventually, God is able to help me see things His ways and supply me with His power to change. And I'm changing slowly, line upon line, precept upon precept till the day I die.

Jesus came to save the loss, the gamblers, the thieves, the ladies of the night, ANYONE, who is wise enough to accept His forgiveness and salvation. This is a free gift. He is still knocking on the doors of many hearts, to receive Him. He doesn't care what you have done before, but how, with His help, you can receive pardon and the abundant life He has promised you. He doesn't want anyone to perish.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. If anyone feels God's prompting, you can receive Him now with this prayer where ever your are. :)

So Neen, I'm really ... you know ... but God is not finished with me yet! :)

SOS

I re-visited my former cell group last Friday to test waters, wondering if things would be slightly improved. Sadly, things remained the same; same prominent member who laid down all the rules, spoke most of the time, same restrictions and same problems. Members I spoke to after the meeting expressed discourgement and bewilderment. This group's fire is about to be snuffed out.

I've forgiven him unreservedly, so I'm not being vengeful here. But what do you do with someone who thinks he's doing God's work, but is in fact destroying it?

I'm drawing one lesson here - don't ever become so 'spiritualized' to the point of spiritual blindness. You can never share God's love like this. God is gracious and does not rule with an iron hand.

The children of God bears His fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, godliness, gentleness and self-control. The fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives bear testimony to whether we're walking right with Him. The law never changes man. It is His sacrificial love that changes man.

I must pay more attention to my life and attitudes to make sure that I'm indeed following Christ.

Forgiveness

I hope to be able to share this in a nutshell, quickly and sweetly.

For a few years I've been participating in this cell group where I've some issues with a prominent member. He is growing in the Lord but he seems to be getting legalistic this past year, focusing on the letter of the Bible but sacrificing the spirit therein. He can't graciously accept feedbacks from the others but insists on carrying out God's work according to his faulty interpretations. He reminds me of the self-righteous elder brother in the story of the prodigal son.

Life was getting unbearable with him in the group and I was exceedingly disappointed, hurt and angered to the point of being tempted to give up my faith totally. My reaction alarmed me. I recognized it as a big fat lie from the devil and though I ranted about it, I resisted the thought. Recognizing the danger I was in, I turned straight to God and prayed that I would forgive that brother and move on in my faith. Though I didn't feel much forgiveness flowing out from me, I'd prayed by faith. There are things we can do, and there are things that only God can do. I gave myself time, and I gave God time. I trusted that God would eventually work it out in my life.

I'd actually left the cell group for fear of further confrontations with him, and intended to leave matters this way. Now, I'm embarking on a new job. There's so much to learn, but peace continues to elude me.

This morning in Church, someone preached on the importance of family and fatherhood. Throughout the message, I learnt so many things that could apply to different aspects of my life. Though the message did not center on forgiveness, I knew that God had something for each one of us in that congregation according to our needs.

Fathers were called to the altar to be prayed for, and my spouse went forward. I didn't know he'd left my side because I was so engrossed in my own prayer. I didn't intend to say this prayer, but somehow (I believe) God just led me into it so naturally. I prayed, "Father, I forgive ........ totally and unreservedly." Immediately, I sensed a great relief. The weight on my heart lifted.

After service today, I've gained a new perspective for my new job. I've more courage, and I intend to return to the cell group, though I'd prayed to God to give me space to time my visits. I can't visit as often or participate as actively as before because the brother has yet to recognize the problems he has created for us. But I shall return to encourage the other brothers and sisters in Christ, knowing that they've been praying for me.

God's words are not mere commandments. His words heal. He has commanded us to forgive, because only thus will He be able to heal us. Someone says that when you forgive, you're releasing a prisoner, only to find out that the prisoner is YOURSELF.

I've asked my family to sustain me in prayer, that regardless of the future happenings in this cell group, I will not be so seriously hurt that I'll go into an emotional and spiritual spin again.

The Holy Spirit distinctly put a song in my heart 2 weeks' back. It goes, "I've decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back." Jesus Himself has promised us, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

May the Lord bless and encourage you all in your walk with Him.

A Lighted Flame

"I am grateful for the ability to still feel grateful and appreciative for life and the many things it offers despite being let down time and again by certain people. If I loose this ability to feel grateful, I may end up loosing my faith altogether. I am at a low point of my faith now actually, but with that being said, I'm still grateful for:

1. God watching over us.
2. A wonderful family.
3. The ability to move around.
4. Yes, coffee, tea, AND chocolate. :)"

I've posted this comment in a simple yet impactful blog called the Alighted Flame that encourages us to be thankful and grateful for everything and anything, not taking the smallest things for granted that is. Go in and take a look for yourself and share what you are grateful for. :)

New Venture

Phew! I've finally paid it forward to fellow bloggers by giving out awards and tagging them. Mission accomplished!

Now, for the next few weeks, I'll be busy learning the ropes of a new venture, wish me God's blessings? If you don't hear from me soon enough, be rest assured that I'm alive and kicking around, just caught up in the real world ...

Meanwhile, be good, continue clicking my ads, feed my virtual doggy (you can get a glimpse of it at the right when you scroll down) :)

Wish I'll have exciting things to share with you next time!

Tagged

Since Andrea aka Alpha Button has tagged me, I'll just have to continue this good tradition.

For those still scratching their heads to the meaning of "being tagged", the picture on your right is NOT it! Relax.

Tagging is just a fun way to promote friendship, share blog links, get traffic, all the good stuff. So the game is like this, if you get tagged by someone, it means someone likes you, and you'll have to pay it forward by tagging 7 other bloggers, and drop comments on their blogs to let them know that they've been tagged. Then, you'll also have to share 7 facts about yourself. Get it? Ok, let's get started!

Ok ... I'm aiming my tag-gun at:

1. Bushido Bryan - Japanese Animals, Fish, and Wildlife - his blog on Japanese sceneries and animals is an eye-feast to those who appreciate nature's beauty!
   
2. Jan - The Little Web - get another Asian perspective besides mine.
   
3. Poet - Drawing and Painting - be inspired by his lively sketches and art.
   
4. Stanis and other writers - Write Up Cafe - for a dose of Writer's inspiration and poems.
   
5. Sarah - Writing - we all have a past, let Sarah tell you her stories.
   
6. Francois - Addictive Photography - hey, check out a young man's addiction!
   
7. E_M_Y - E_M_Y Reviews - a self-professed 'slightly pessimistic' 16 yr old boy from England
   doing movie reviews, good job.
   

Ok, 7 facts about me:

1. Have a tendency to over plan and over do things.
   
2. Believe in continual learning.
   
3. Family is my priority.
   
4. Selective in accepting and maintaining friendships.
   
5. Serious in appearance but a joker is dying to break out any time.
   
6. Coffee, tea and chocolate are my ONLY vices ;)
   
7. Dream to earn a million dollars or possess super powers, either one, I'm not greedy ;)